I’m writing this post more as advice for myself, but it may be helpful to others too.
Sometimes people ask me, “How do you always have so many guys asking you out?”
I’m definitely no expert on this. I’m not a stunning beauty or enchantress either. The hottest girls I know have an even easier time than me.
When I look good, in terms of being dressed in something I look good in and being well groomed from head to toe, I emanate a different energy. Sure, there are the times I’m in some sweats and the boys can’t keep talking to me too. But if I dress hot it seems to be easier to act feminine and feel confident enough to be open to others too.
What’s most important for me, I think, is my openness in public. The way I would describe this is whether I am in closed mode where I am in my own world and generally ignore the people around me, or am I in open mode where I am aware of people around me and naturally make eye contact with them.
When I’m closed, I’ll feel (or peek at) a guy’s eyes on me and will literally run or avoid him. I’ve been in closed mode a lot lately because I’ve been seeing someone and tend to spend a lot of mental energy on things related to him (what will I wear the next time I see him, what should I say when he calls, am I being too easy, wow it was so fun when he xyz, etc. heehee). When I’m out and about doing daily errands especially, I’ll be thinking about those items related to him.
I think being in closed mode so much is a bad habit. I need to stop because the guy I’m seeing may not work out (don’t want to talk about it on this blog in case he happens to read, but as of right now we are not exclusive).
In closed mode, I tend to be serious faced and tight lipped.
When I’m in open mode, I’m aware of what’s happening around me and the people around me. But there is good open mode and so-so open mode. Good open mode is when I’m aware of what’s around me, but in a balanced way. It’s sort of like I’m occupied but engaged at the same time. I’m not hawk eyes looking frantically around to see if any guys are checking me out. I’m focused on what’s at hand but casually aware of what else is going on too.
In open mode, I tend to have little smiles, maybe even laugh at funny things I see without being self-conscious of looking funny too.
The so-so open mode is something I’ve observed in friends. A girl friend of mine has started to improve how she dresses and her demeanor in order to attract a man. We were hanging out and although she and I were talking, her eyes were always darting around to see if anyone was checking her out. If a guy approached, her head would spring up to see who it was .0001 seconds too quickly. Also, she is a bit overweight and was wearing something revealing; nothing wrong with that, but there was incongruence about her get-up. It was interesting to observe.
I need to get out of closed mode and into good open mode again! This is what I’m going to do:
- Take a few deep breaths before going into a public situation
- Be aware of what’s happening around me while being focused on what I’m doing
- Look at things of interest around me following my natural curiosity and interest
- And of course, look good: I need to get rid of the clothes that fit me poorly, or that don’t look that stylish any more, and all of that