Mate Guarding Behavior: Men Don’t Care If You’re Married

Some interesting things in the mate-guarding arena with the hubby.  I love him as much as ever.

1. Guys will, of course, hit on me even with my big obvious wedding ring and semi-clingy behavior hanging on to my hubby’s arm (as I like to do, as much as he allows me to hehe).  My husband has seen these guys hit on me in front of his eyes, or just heard about it from others (e.g., when he slipped away to the bathroom). His reaction:

“Haha, I like it when people hit on my hot wife.”  Or something like that.  He just laughs it off.

If I watch him carefully from the corner of my eye, I notice him glare at the perps. sometimes. Establishing authority?

2. One of the most egregious incidents of a guy hitting on me in front of my husband’s face still confuses me to this day.

A group of us were sitting having drinks.  A guy of my ethnicity approaches our group.  One of his first remarks are to me and another girl, “What are beautiful women like you doing with guys like these?” The other girl, a bold blonde, is obviously more comfortable talking to strangers in bars, and gives a response about how we should ask what girls like us are doing talking to someone like him.

I’m just quiet because I don’t talk to completely random strangers like that, especially in a bar.  And it seems like giving a straight answer (“That’s my husband over there, we’re all just relaxing after a long day”) wouldn’t be the right thing to do.

So this guy then asks if I’m Indian, what type, etc. Talks to me a little in my language (on purpose I’m sure, to exclude my hubby along with other friends).  I’m a dorkette who gets excited to talk in my native language and can’t help but be friendly – the small talk I know how to make is polite and friendly in my language.  Didn’t learn much of the b*tchy curse words.

Everyone else is like, “What are you guys talking about?” Then the guy goes over to my husband who is sitting across from me and asks him something weird, like, “So what do you do?  I haven’t seen you over at XYZ hospital. I’m in orthopedics.”  Right, the guy I keep on looking at, that I’m probably “with” must be a doctor.  The only reason I would marry out is if the guy is a doctor… because I’m probably one too, right? (I wonder to myself if we have another angry “Why Do All Our Women Marry Out” type?  The sort of Indian guy who has bad luck with the Indian chicks he likes? Gee I wonder why…)

Hubby starts to seize back control of the situation, and gives a hilarious answer:  “I’m a manager.  Over down on Collins and XYZ.  The McDonalds.  If you ever need a job, call me.”  Something like that but funnier… everyone laughed..

Then Dr. Dork asks me in our language, “How do you know this guy? ” I reply in English, “We’re married! We actually got married just a few months ago!  We had a really fun wedding. Typical desi style.”  (I think part of me was trying to turn this into a normal polite conversation with a fellow desi… we Indians can all bond over wedding stories, right?)

The Dr. Dork turns back to my husband and asks, “How’d you get a girl like her?” And my hubby replies, “I got stuck with her man.  She trapped me… got pregnant.”  We all laugh.

Then the Dr. Dork has the audacity to walk over to me, put his HANDS on my stomach, and start to feel me up.  After a brief palpitation he utters, “Hey, you’re not pregnant.”  I look at him stunned, uh huh wha…(I don’t know why I didn’t just slap him immediately, I was really out of it and confused about what was happening.)

Dr. Dork must’ve seen the shocked expression on my face and says, “It’s OK, I’m a doctor.”  I finally snap to and snap back at him, “This isn’t a hospital room!”

My husband had enough, Dr. Dork had crossed the line. Still seated, my hubby’s tone is completely solemn.  “You need to get your hands off of my wife.  You come over here, you put your HANDS ON MY WIFE, you’re annoying us. You need to leave NOW.” (Something like that, hubby said it much better but this is the best I can remember from  the daze I was in.)

Someone who must be a friend of Dr. Dork now runs over and pulls him away, trying to apologize about him being “really drunk.”  The fact that Dr. Dork decided to pull such disrespect in front of not just one man, but an entire crew that included an ex-defensive lineman, made me think maybe he really was drunk. Bold stupidity.

After Dr. Dork was pulled away I immediately went over to my hubby, sat in his lap, snuggled up to him and held on tight. Eeeeks… Everyone was talking about the h*ll was that guy’s problem.  Who does that to a man’s WIFE?

I’m still not sure why I froze up when that guy touched me.  Why didn’t I slap his hand away? Why didn’t I realize he was being a douche and freeze him out when he first spoke?  Why did I try to assume a brotha from tha mothaland would be nice?

Having hubby around always has made me lazy… er, relaxed.  I feel so safe, protected,and sexy around him, I think I forget to put the “blocks” up to others.

3. I tried out for something that will give me a bit of media exposure, let’s just say, and got it.  Hubby has also gotten involved with this thing, but on a smaller scale, and in a different way than me.

I was planning on going to this activities related to this thing on my own, it’s tedious.  But hubby always comes along.  Even when he is completely slammed with work.  He will spend 5 hours of his day being there to semi-work on it as well.  When he is not needed to be there, really.  Although he does his own stuff on the side and will be on the phone pretty much the whole time (cell phones silent please, be d*mned).

It’s interesting, and I didn’t really expect it from him… although I kind of did. He’s not obvious about it, and he teases the h*ck out of me around everyone, when it comes up how we are married.  He’s the first to say how I look or sound like some sort of animal, etc.  He even flirts with the other girls (doing his “thing” in this project, of course).  (The others girls are less pretty so I’m not worried, ahaha.)

Interesting, interesting.

Getting into this little project thingy reminded me of Roissy’s post on, “Why You Shouldn’t Support Your Girlfriend’s Goals.”  I was like WTF when I got this opportunity… it is so like that! I was a little worried about my hubby getting weirded out, or not accepting it… but he never even gave an opinion of whether I should do it.  If anything, it will keep him enthralled… what guy doesn’t like a girl who’s a little bit “known” based on her looks, in part?  External validation of looks is always a good thing… it’s one thing to say you’re hot, it’s another to have a project/title/etc. to back it up.

6 Responses to “Mate Guarding Behavior: Men Don’t Care If You’re Married”

  1. Racer X Says:

    “Guys will, of course, hit on me even with my big obvious wedding ring ”

    I like seeing a girl with a big old wedding ring. Then I know what sort of challenge I am up for. It is sort of like the thrill of climbing a really big, high mountain: not easy, but not impossible either.

  2. HowToMack Says:

    Wow, your husband sounds like a real calm dude… If I was in his position that other guy would been ejected immediately!

  3. Bhetti Says:

    Glad wedded life is treating you well!

    I think having a strong male gives us a false sense of security. Even if it’s my brother around, I kind of expect him unconsciously to ‘step in’ if things get of hand, and tend to feel like I’m worrying unduly if he isn’t.

  4. Valley Says:

    So I’m late in my response but just pulled this up on a google search. I’m happily married so I thought with two beautiful children. Life is great I work, have a great man, great kids, a home and the regulary hustle of getting everyone and everything ready for work, school etc.

    I’ve never given another man a wink or the idea that my marriage is open for outside fun. I don’t even accept a work lunch with a male co-worker if I feel he’s joking about marriage or making comments about my attire.

    Out of the blue an old friend that I haven’t seen since I was 21 reaches out to me and I meet him for dinner after work. Oh my GOD what the hell was that for. Sparks completely flew all over the place, my heart was pounding my hands wet and my panties well I had to go home and change. Besides all the sexual tention and attraction he made me feel loved and so beautiful. I looked at him like he was nuts and said how can you feel that way from me and look at me like I’m 14 years old still. I reminded him that I had two kids, my abs gone and how busy my life was. He just wanted to tell me how he felt and how he believed he would find me and we would be together and he thanked me for all the advice I gave him when we were growing up.

    It’s been over a year and he left the country and still reaches out to me via email. This is the only man that has ever made me feel selfish. I have my doubts and reality kicks in and I cry in guilt for even thinking of talking to me or for thinking of him. He’s not out of a magazine, he’s just a man that looks at you and you know it, you know it, it’s real, he loves me no matter what I look like. My problem is that I get hit on all the time but I have always shut it down and that was that. I have even told men in my job that my husband is not something to joke about and that I don’t joke about my marriage. What a fake I am because one hour dinner and my whole train ride home I had all these images in my head and now he left the country and tempts me with full paid vacations. I was tempted to go next month but I’m so scared. How can I leave my kids for a week or two. I have never left them and what if something went wrong and they grew up thinking their mom was some tramp he went away on a love trip.

    I’m sorry for putting this out there but it’s making me feel better, even if noone ever reads it. My husband thinks I’m this sweet woman and dedicated mom and employee. I have needs and I spent my whole life since I was younger raising my sister and cousins and I never had time for me. This would be my one time for me and it scares me so much. Yes I know how wrong it is, I know it’s unfair to my husband and my kids. Why not just leave him? I’m so confused and just want to say ok screw it and just go for a week and deal with the fall out. I also get afraid because what if I go and I say this is not for me and I want to come back and never speak to him again. If he’s thought of me his whole life would he let me let him go????? Jesus I’m living a life time movie.

  5. gunslingergregi Says:

    year or so in hows everything workin out

  6. Hmm Says:

    Can I just say that your husband sounds like a wimp? I don’t like rage guys who start beating up guys for looking at their women. But when a guy is being so disrespectful and actually touching you…come on. Your hubby stays calm, you go sit on his lap and be physically clingy. Doesn’t sound right. But I guess he must be a wonderful man in other aspects. And what’s good for me might not be good for you…
    This post made me appreciate my guy a little more. Always feel so safe around him.

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