Obedience, docility, and other thoughts on femininity: exploring two Indian ideals

Please pardon me as I take a stream of consciousness detour into modern Indian ideas of femininity.  It will be rambling but my thoughts are so unorganized on this, I don’t know where to begin to clean them up.  If you keep reading, many thanks for your understanding 🙂

“Old school” Indians (people who reached adulthood in India prior to the 2000s) some times mention a couple of traits that they consider positive qualities in girls.  Many Indians who grew up in India after 2000 may mention these traits as well. But there is a wave of political correctness which makes most guys and girls under 35 hestitant to talk about these things as being ‘antiquated’ and ‘disprespectful to women.’

Two examples of traits considered desirable qualities in Indian women:

  • obedience:  Indian women are considered good if they are obedient (to their man, elders and others with seniority).  Obedience is a word that Americans often think about in the context of well-behaved children or pets.  In old school Indian culture, women are kind of looked at as being child-like in terms of being naive, innocent, simple, and needing guidance and discipline.  An Indian women who can show she is “obedient” is considered to have a good personality and an ideal woman.
  • docile/sweet-natured/kind and caring: progressive Indians who believe in a sort of traditionalist sense of feminism talk about women’s inherent strengths, and one quality they love to praise in women is women’s natural “sweet natured” tendency.  Women are looked at as caring and supportive and valued for being so.  Being sweet includes having a pleasant demeanor (e.g., with helpless smile on her face), taking care of others’ needs in terms of food or other comforts,  and making her surroundings a more comfortable place to be (like decorating the home or making a dinner party nicely decorated).  Non-progressive Indians believe the only good type of woman is a sweet and gentle natured one.

So why am I thinking about these things?  Well, I’ve been thinking about what being a woman means to me. (lol that sounds so cheesy but it’s important, I’m very confused about this having grown up in the USA) 

Externally, there’s things like how a girl dresses, walks, and speaks that can her more feminine.  But what about the internal traits a girl has?  What personality traits or core values make a girl more feminine?

I think obedience (a sort of submissiveness?) and being sweet are examples of how one culture looks at what makes a girl feminine.

So yes, I’ve been working on being more ‘obedient,’ although somewhat unsuccessfully at times!

  • When things get too busy, especially if I’m spending a lot of time at work, it’s hard to switch into the mode of ‘letting the man lead.’  Instead of giving a guy a chance to shine and use his creative strengths to come up with plans, or how to resolve a small problem that comes up, I’ll just jump in.  (Example: the movie was sold out, and instead of letting him suggest plan B I immediately was like, “Oh we should just go to the other theater, it’s at __, and we should probably try to buy tickets online first this time.”).  Uh oh, ooops, “woman trying to wear the pants” alert!
  • When a guy tells me what to do or suggests what we do, my automatic reaction sometimes is to question or slightly challenge him. This is good behavior in the workplace, but not in the loveplace! I think it’s ok to ask why I should do something and let him show off his understanding (and sell me on his ideas).  But not in a way where I am challenging him or putting down his thoughts!  There’s a gentle way to bring up these small points to a guy, like asking innocently, “Oh, what about ___?”  If I really want to suggest something might not work, I need to do it in a non-threatening way.  Even just asking the question will let him figure out on his own that, “Oh yeah, I forgot to think about that.” And he can still be the man.  When I’ve done this, the guy will often say, “Oh yeah, great question!  Smart thinking, girl…”  So he still realizes I’m smart, but isn’t threatened by it.  Too bad I don’t do this enough!
  • Being quiet and sweet is getting hard to do!  At work I am not one of those shrill women who is always loud and dominating and acting like the Queen of everyone, but I definitely speak up and show leadership when it’s appropriate. (I actually don’t show leadership because I don’t love being the leader, but am OK stepping in when others need me to. Plus that’s how I will progress my career in my industry.)  With romantic prospects, that is SO not the way to go!  I have to calm down my chatty, super opinionated, “look at me”, wannabe leader self. 

It is just so hard to shift gears from work mode to love mode.  Even this blog doesn’t help! 🙂  Here I write all my thoughts and probably get a little bit into know-it-all “who’s your momma it’s me” mode.

I need to stop this.  To be feminine I need to remember to be more obedient, sweet and docile.  It’s hard but this week I will focus on this. 

I need to bring the best of my ancestral land (Indian femininity) and combine it with the best of my land today (being a fun and inspiring partner rather than a servant to men).

15 Responses to “Obedience, docility, and other thoughts on femininity: exploring two Indian ideals”

  1. Alex K Says:

    Miss Beauty,

    This is Alex again. Please contact me at authorityandpower@gmail.com. I’d like to talk to you directly. Don’t worry, I’m not Indian nor do I likely know anyone you know. Trust me, you will benefit.

    • Targaryen In Training Says:

      Gag me plz lmmfao 🤣

      Move to Saudi Arabia if you like being abused ya dumb bitch!

  2. Alex K Says:

    Just to make it clear, this is not spam, I am a real man.

  3. Shilpa the Sherpa Says:

    I think its a shame when in 2009 women have to resort to childish games in order to try and attract men. You are Indian. Just opt for the arranged marriage and then you won’t have to worry about all this boyfriend, shmoyfriend business and acting like child. Are you seriously serious that suggesting another movie theatre is “wearing the pants”???

    And who uses terms like “wearing the pants” nowadays anyways?

    Hum, we all wear pants. duh.

    Your mentality would be better off in India where perhaps you would not even be going to movies.

    • Targaryen In Training Says:

      Ooooh looks like we have another Dragon Lady in the comments (or maybe just a good boy who knows his place!!!). 💖

  4. Carpet Tiles Says:

    bubble dress are very nice girl dresses and i always ask my girlfriend to wear one –.

  5. Trisha Says:

    I am a 40 something female of Polish descent raised in the Northeast in a very progressive minded community and family. And my sister and I were encouraged to make our own choices. Consequently I feel I’ve had the best of all conditions in being able to pick and choose the traditions and lifestyle choices that I find most fullfilling. And I have absolutely NO problem with what is written here. Indeed, I agree! I think a girl/woman’s greatest most powerful attrributes include our natural talents at being nuturing and that includes being sweet, kind, tender and yes…. gently obediant to the man you love. Bravo for bringing up the subject. My husband, who was married once before, is so appreciative of these traits in me, it’s a pleasure to give him that certain level of basic authority. And yes the phrase about not trying the wear the pants is definately a rule of thumb I try to keep in mind.

  6. Wannah Says:


    […]Obedience, docility, and other thoughts on femininity: exploring two Indian ideals « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty[…]…

  7. LC Kid Says:

    I am as straight as a male can probably be, but I will say that being forced to wear a dress (seems so unfair) was a great behavior conditioner. My mother had four sons to raise. There were no sisters. She probably (not hard to figure it out) figured that demoting our position by being made to wear something (in our current day & age) considered feminine would keep us more focused on our behavior, and was a great motivator for behaving better. She would literally do our laundry by hand, run things through the wringer, and then we had to help hang OUR OWN things outside on a publicly-viewed clothesline for all to see. I am talking about boys in the 8-14 range, and I have no way of even knowing if the “neighbors” knew that these were our girl clothes being hanged outside every two weeks, but she did ALWAYS have us in a “frock” as she called them, when we were out there putting our clothes out to dry. I did always have a bed wetting problem in that age range, and Mom was sure to hang those horrid diapers, and the big plastic pants out there for the world to see too. I always wondered why she did not hang those diapers, etc. in the bathroom INSIDE the house, but maybe it was all a dominance issue, and if we were humiliated enough, then the behavior would change too. EVERY two weeks, frocks panties, white tights (always white), cloth diapers, and BIG plastic pants. Don’t know how I survived all of this public humiliation, or if it was not as big of a deal as I have it in my mind. Oh well, I survived, right? One more thing, as an adult male now, I do see how much of an effect my Mom’s public humiliation had on our behavior, but is was always (seemed to me) that it was really to control the growing brood, and maintaining control over us as she knew she would have her hands full with real-life issue of boys going through puberty. I am hopelessly submissive to my wife in bed, and she thinks that she has died, and gone to heaven. Seems so natural to me to keep here completely happy, and telling here that she is in charge never hurt one little bit. My wife feels a sense of safeness, or satisfaction that she does have control in the bedroom , and away from our outside daily responsibilities. and my wife does coddle me in be bedroom simply out of my deep, long-term devotion to her happiness.. Some of you guys out there should try being submissive, and completely focus on making your wife happy. It’s not hard to do, and the benefits cannot even be calculated.

    • Targaryen In Training Says:

      You sir are a treasure. Good to know that there’s good men who know their place and can be trained!

  8. lolque? Says:

    Pro tip, you can be plenty docile and submissive without giving up a strong edge, find your niche, D/s isn’t a bland homogeneous wasteland. Even the dominant likes to be submissive sometimes if you look at it from any angle.

    An easy one is food. Women often get praised for being in the kitchen stirring up a plate of love for the family, but in another way, the dom could easily prepare the food and feed it by hand to the sub, like feeding a pet, but more intimate, or laying in the dom’s lap to be stroked gently. these are affectionate and “submissive” behaviors to most people but the actual situation is that the girl is being docile. and the dom being loving.

    Find a rythme that works for you if you want to be more submissive, don’t get caught up in any single way as being the only option

  9. Targaryen In Training Says:

    You’re insane. This invites users and abusers.

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