From Betas to Alpha Men: How can women inspire more Alpha behavior?

On websites which focus on Game for men and pick-up artistry, all of the emphasis is on a man independently finding a way to be more “Alpha.”  The focus is on how a man can shape his own worldview and behavior to give off more dominance and leadership qualities.

I can’t recall EVER seeing any of these websites talk about how women can encourage more Alpha behavior from their men. 

I have a theory that there are some small ways to do this.  Some of the principles that I theorize might work are:

I. Be more feminine and he will complement you by being more masculine. If you appeal to a man’s basic instincts, more macho behavior may kick in.

II. Teach him how to treat you by rewarding masculine behavior. Make a clear link to the behavior you like to your behavior that will make him feel good.

III.  In your persona, create a world and environment where he feels comfortable to be all man, including making him feel like you’d accept him even as a slightly chauvinistic and old fashioned guy!

Some ideas on ways to do Principle I (be more woman so he can be more man):

  • Move very slowly in general when walking and sitting so that he can step up the pace and lead you faster.  Seem slightly clueless even or distracted (good if you are distracted laughing at his jokes or listening to him, this would probably be a compliment to him?)
  • Let your mind wander as much as you want (this is so easy for me).  This way he has to step in and bring you back to earth when you are not sure what to do or where you are.  Basically he will see you as fun and in the present, but needing his guidance and stuff.
  • Be a slave to your weaknesses and whims!  For example: when you lose your balance let him catch you rather than catching yourself, let yourself get distracted by the cute puppy even though you are running late so he has to tell you hey let’s go we’ll be late (hopefully he will be amused by your preoccupation by such girly things), hesitate when going into a crowds and say you are afraid (so he will hopefully lead you right on through that mass of people), etc.
  • Feel free to be as girly girl as you want to be!  Talk in a sweet, femmy voice and don’t be embarassed that someone will think you are dumb.  Wear your hair long and glamorous.  Wear pink and red and other bright girly colors.  Wear skirts even when others would wear jeans.  Wear heels and walk all over town in them. Don’t worry about being all girl; most guys who are real men deep down inside won’t think less of you.  Ignore the haters mainly women who will make snide remarks if they see you struggle walking on a grate with those heels or have to hold your dress down when the wind gusts; everyone else knows you look hot!

Some ideas on ways to do Principle II (encourage good manly behavior and discourage unmanly behavior)

  • Compliment any manly thing he does, like picking out where to go, helping you get through that busy crowd, giving you directions because you keep on getting lost (as you let your mind wander naturally), telling you how to solve that issue, etc. 
  • Major bonus points if you compliment or build him up in front of others for manly things like how good he is as picking menu items on new restaurants, or how he figured out how to connect the wireless speakers to your iphone in 5 minutes when you couldn’t in 5 hours, how he keeps on winning the office pool, how he like predicts what the press will say before stuff happens in the markets, etc.
  • Physically position yourself so he is in a dominant position.  If you are sitting together, subtly try to be smaller.  If you are walking, make sure he is the leading one (unless he is being a gentleman and doing the ladies first thing, that part I haven’t figured out how to work around yet because I don’t want to force him to walk in first because that’s leading), if you are embracing each other sink into his big chest, look up at him with adoration and look at his big size if he puffs himself up, etc.
  • When he does something feminine, like show weakness at getting hurt, I’m not sure what’s best.  I would say either letting your mind and person wander right out his sight, or even showing subtle disgust or surprise, might be the way to go.  Like if there’s a bug and he freaks out and starts cowering behind you, that’s really BAD; I would probably leave him and run behind him and be like “please please protect me” and one-up him on the girliness!  At all costs do NOT decide to step in the man role for him; that will just encourage him to be girly man more.  I could be wrong on this though; I think it depends on the specific thing he is doing that is feminine, which is open to interpretation.  Like if he cries when he hears his friend from school got killed in Iraq, that’s not feminine; but if he cries when a bird flies into the windshield unless he had a pet bird that looked the exact same way when he was a kid that someone ran over, that’s probably feminine.

Some ideas on how to do Principle III (create an environment around you where he feels fully comfortable being all man):

  • This is going to be controversial to say, but honestly: do not ever praise feminism or women who are ‘strong’ in a more masculine sense.  Praise women and men who show traditional gender roles.  For example, if Obama does something where he leads his whole family, even say “How nice he is so the leader of the nation and his girls too,” or something.  I can’t think of good ways to do this without being cheesy, but hopefully on the fly all girls aspiring to this will recognize the opportunity!
  • Feel free to mention, when appropriate and it comes up, how you like girly things or like traditional values, or values in other cultures where people follow traditional gender roles.  Don’t be super obvious about it because someone who talks too much about this stuff looks suspicious especially if their actions don’t reflect these beliefs.  And it’s kind of weird to talk about and a little bit of a touchy and controversial subject in this very politically correct world we are in today.  But mentioning them indirectly might help.  One example:  I talk about how Indian men tend to be very possessive, and I find it funny when many American girls will say a guy I’m seeing seems controlling because I grew up with male family members who treat me the same way and am used to it!  To me it just seems like “possessive” guys just want to make sure I’m OK and take care of me…
  • Be a girly girl, let him be the man and do manly stuff like open doors, lift heavy things, figure things out, etc.

I’m going to experiment in my life and see how much of all this works.  I have a feeling I do many of these things subconsciously any way, because I feel like most men I meet are pretty manly; the degrees of manliness are what vary.

31 Responses to “From Betas to Alpha Men: How can women inspire more Alpha behavior?”

  1. cupojohan Says:

    Would the fact that you were actively trying to bringing out these alpha qualities in a guy lessen the attraction you have for him though? It seems kind of forced.
    I remember one time being on a date with a venezuelan girl at a palestinian restaurant. She wanted more condiments or something but was afraid to ask the guy cause he looked mean. I had to step in and show her there was nothing to be afraid of. I was kinda cute but something like that should not be forced. It came from her natural femininity and bashfulness. Just a thought.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Interesting question about lessening the attraction. I think..mm…it would depend on what I feel about it: is it as an opportunity to be more true to myself by being more feminine? Or is it something I do with resentment and disappointment in the guy?

      I reeeeally like your point about doing these things from a natural femininity and bashfulness by the way!

      What I wrote about in the first principle “how to” last paragraph is very dear to me; it’s been a long journey for me to feel free to be as girly as I wanna be. People seem to really judge a girl if she chooses to be girly, and act girly, and feel free to be shy and afraid. They all say, “Be a strong, independent woman! You don’t need a man!” If I absolutely had to, I could figure out how to live without ever needing anyone else. But it’s so much stress and so difficult, and it’s wonderful when someone else can help me instead; what’s wrong with accepting help? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the fact I like to dress up, and wear girly clothes, and not suppress my happy giggles and stuff. hehe 😉 A lot of haters out there against that though!

      So for me, much of acting more feminine to bring out the masculine in a guy is taking it as an opportunity to be my true self; not the “strong independent grrrl” that so much of Western culture and media tries to make me be.

  2. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    By the way, I think there is a inherent feminine type of strength women have, which is unique in its own way. Not trying to say women should be all weak and stuff 🙂

    Men and women are different, and we should appreciate those differences and value them both. 🙂

  3. Firepower Says:

    snag a beta – spend his wealth – WHY do you want an Alpha soooo BAD?? Your motivations are most revealing.

    oh, i forgot – you’re mad at me lol

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Ya, I’m so mad! Fired up mad, powerfully mad! 😉 Just kidding, but what should I be mad about?

      • Firepower Says:

        mad that I make you answer questions. lol quit dodging babydoll

        WHAT makes you so hesitant to take delivery of The Beta who promises your sought after life o’ luxury?

        WHY do you fixate your flaming desire upon Alphas?

        you need your hair pulled haha

  4. Default User Says:

    Be careful of falling into the trap of some male PUAs. That trap is over analyzing.

    You seem to have a good idea of the ground rules (i.e., you be your feminine self and let him be his masculine self). Don’t worry too much about managing every little interaction. Remember, it is not about text (the exact things you say or do) but is all about sub-text (the general manner of things).

    So enjoy your dates and don’t worry about micromanaging them. Set the right tone and the details will tend to look after themselves.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      So true. I’ve been all about being in flow lately. Just go with the flow rather than be calculating. And it’s been great! Somehow everything else falls into place then.

  5. Default User Says:

    No update for a while. I hope that means things are going reaaally well.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Hey things are going well. They were going well before too though, when I was excited about becoming a hotter, better and funner LovelySexyBeauty!

      I have a lot of half-finished posts, and posts I wrote a while ago that I’m not quite feeling. I’m waiting for the mood to come back… my thoughts and time are preoccupied heehee.

      Also I’ve been busy dealing with jealous b*tches (pardon my meanness but I’m really getting annoyed by women who get up in my business and just try to mess me up). So I’m practicing keeping a low profile. I hope that if I stop my habit of being open about my life, these women won’t feel like they have the right to lecture me, or even worse, try to sabotage me because they can’t stand my happiness or something. Knowledge on me is their power I’m realizing…

      Hope you are well too sir. I’ve been lurking on and off on other sites you comment, and it’s been interesting hearing about your adventures, naughty guy! (outdoors ladidaaa)

      • Default User Says:

        …and it’s been interesting hearing about your adventures, naughty guy

        I am just full of surprises.

  6. David Alexander Says:

    I had a girl pull that crap on me, and I dumped her in the friend zone for it. What you may call acting feminine, I consider being childish, and I won’t put with that.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Omg omg THE David Alexander commented on my blog… lol 😉

      I think you bring up a great point: there’s an important distinction between a girl being childish and immature vs. girlish and feminine.

      For me, it’s about feeling brave to just be myself and not feel forced to take on a “man’s role.” I’m still very confused about it, and about what it means to be a girl vs. a boy.

      Like others have brought up, trying to inspire more “Alpha ness” should come from a genuine girlishness. And it should be the kind that is age-appropriate (for example, a late 20s woman living in NYC for more than a few months acting like she’s scared to take a taxi alone would seem really, really strange and childish rather than cute).

      • Default User Says:

        David Alexander commented on my blog

        You better get your nails and push up bra on. 🙂

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        lol mm no… his lifestyle grosses and creeps me out actually, but I do respect his frank ideas and unique and real perspective. (Apologies to him, his life choices are his own business, but on a personal level my reaction is ewwww at the addictions and dependencies he has, they’re reeeeally out there and weird to me.)

      • doug1 Says:

        Who are you responding to? Whose lifestyle with its addictions?

      • Default User Says:

        Likely replying to my post that referenced David Alexander.

        Another Roissy convert? 🙂

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        Sorry, not sure why my earlier comment didn’t stay in the David Alexander mini-thread up there. Default Studly Alpha called it correctly.

        David Alexander seems like a nice guy actually, he’d probably be pretty cool in person. But ewww on some of the other stuff (actually, reading his comments over time has changed my ideas on guys who are addicted to um “self-satisfaction” and “media stiimulation”… before I would have thought, “OMG what a pedophile/rapist/pervert/sicko!” Now I am thinking a guy like that could be a semi-normal member of society. But still, ew…).

      • ydieujus Says:

        I guess you could argue that I was spoiled by Wellesley Queen. She was decisive and always knew what she wanted, and I loved that since it saved time and avoided the headache of figuring out what to do, especially since she was more knowledgeable about that. Non-date does that every so often, but it’s not as bad with her, and my former mistress was indecisive about eating out to the point where I’d just give up.

        Maybe I’m drunk or coked up, but the same femininity that may make a girl hot, can make her less attractive for a long-term relationship or even platonic friendship. Nobody really wants to marry some girl who dumps everything on you, especially since there’s always the risk that she’ll blame you if things go wrong which leaves all the stress on the male.

      • David Alexander Says:

        Fud, ydieujus is me…

      • Default User Says:

        David Alexander took a deep whiff and typed:

        Fud, ydieujus is me…

        Default User asks WTF?

      • David Alexander Says:

        My reply comment to Lovely is stuck in the moderation queue. It was somewhat similar to the sentiments that I expressed in my reply to you last night on my blog.

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        Mm… I’ll have to look at your blog DA. Not sure what to say… I guess the best relationships are those where the two people complement each other. It seems like those where there’s a masculine energy balanced by feminine energy work best. Maybe you have a little more feminine energy in some ways so a woman with a little more masculine energy makes you feel best?

        Not really sure, just throwing some ideas out… hm…

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        Oh also! I think it’s hard to classify ‘indecisiveness’ as a feminine trait… in fact I think it’s hard to classify feminine traits in general. So what you might think is annoying behavior isn’t necessarily feminine per se… it could just be “ignorance”. lol.

        hm I’m going to think about this. I want to compile a list of core feminine and masculine traits, this is an interesting thing to think about.

  7. doug1 Says:

    I think this is pretty inspired actually. I started recommending similar things to Bhetti some while ago, but we didn’t get to the point of such detail. For good reasons that I shouldn’t and won’t go into.

    It’s a bit too detailed and the details aren’t that important, but some illustrative ones are necessary to show what you’re talking about. You yourself shouldn’t follow any of it like a recipe. It’s the general idea and attitude that matters. Apply on the fly.

    Your first commenter asked if your helping a guy move up will destroy the alpha magic for you and also suggested that extra femininity be natural and not forced. You addressed the later well but let the former slip.

    In a way the answer is the same to both. If the guy you’re helping becoming more masculine with a subtle dominant edge can discover that in himself and then run with it after awhile, rather than always depending on you to help or nudge him along, then it can work and well. If not, not so much. But it can take awhile and still work. In the end though to be candid, if you can find a guy who’s a lesser alpha anyway to begin with (but perhaps not so hot at the pickup arts) you’re likely to feel there’s a bit more magic and inherent sexiness in him. First impressions matter, in many ways I think more for girls. (Well guys will readjust their impression of your looks licked split if the problem was lack of or bad makeup or haircut or clothes or you were drenched from rain when you first met. If you were 20lbs too heavy on first sight, you may never lose 100% of that in his mind. It’s a risk in his gut. I’m about telling it real.)

    With respect to your extra doses of femininity and letting him take the lead being natural rather than forced, you answered well about finding and unlocking that in yourself, as feels natural to you.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      doug1- thanks for the comment! I guess my earlier response to you didn’t post. I always enjoy reading your comments other places, you seem like one of the more sensible and balanced PUAs (maybe because you actually have been in relationships? and have been with many women?).

  8. The Art of Being All Girl: a fascinating read « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] The Art of Being All Girl: a fascinating read By lovelysexybeauty I’ve been aware of my struggles with feeling free to be as girly as I wanna be for some time.  In some ways, I’m even confused about what it means to be feminine! […]

  9. Luck in love and life: wishing to be prettier, younger, smarter, and more fortunate « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] My nightmare is to be with a lazy man who mooches off his wife. Nothing wrong with a woman being the main earner, but I don’t want that – I won’t feel feminine! […]

  10. Some of My Favorite Posts of 2008 « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] From Betas to Alpha Men: How Can Women Inspire More Alpha Behavior?  – why can’t women become walking re-frames of feminity, inspiring a return to old-fashioned “me boy you girl” behavior?  Funnily, parts of his post were pasted to a few different message boards out there as a joke.  Perhaps I need to revisit this with the additional thought acumen I have gained… let’s see. […]

  11. Girl Tips from Boy Game: a sample of female commenters of note last week « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] calling being light-hearted and simple as, “let yourself be as girly as you want to be” in a post I wrote last year.  But I think if a girl is truly in touch with her femmy side (the good parts, I mean, […]

  12. Angiie Says:

    you should read Helen Andelins The Fascinating Girl…im sure you will love it! because it talks about some of the things you mentioned.

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