From coal to diamonds: picking out guys who aren’t successful yet but will be

Below are some thoughts I had a while ago about how some girls out there have this philosophy of snatching up good guys as quickly as possible!  It does seem like a lot of successful yet morally grounded guys get married younger than one might think.  If I find some empirical research to back this up, I’ll be sure to post that up.


When a guy accomplishes a good measure of success, often his life changes.  (Note: There’s nothing like success to inspire confidence in a man and change his whole attitude for the better too.)

Women come out of everywhere wanting to be with him.  People treat him differently just because he has money and/or power.  He also becomes the target of people with bad intentions (women, colleagues, the press, etc.).

He becomes doubtful, or he becomes debauched.  He may not settle down with a woman for quite a long time, if ever.  His morals may change so much that he doesn’t feel he ever needs to get married!

A great way to find a guy who will be successful yet stay grounded in traditional family values is to spot the “coals” who will become diamonds.  These are the guys who are not super-successful now, but will be later:

  • Engineers who go back to do their MBA and make-mega bucks
  • Guys who don’t do well in school but have the smarts and ambition to work their way up
  • Guys unsuccessful in a non-traditional career with the smarts to do well in a traditional one, once they switch over

If a girl can get married to one of the above guys, she just might be in a good position as long as she can keep him grounded with where he came from.  Her college sweetheart or a guy she met shortly after he starts to become successful is a good candidate for this type of marriage.

Some characteristics of a future diamond:

  • Actively applying for MBA (or other high-falutin degree) and has a strong application (he may not tell you about this for a long time) OR he has interviews at top schools
  • He wins lots of awards at work and is quite smart at playing the game
  • He’s a smooth talker and very adept at maneuvering all sorts of situations (this indicates that he will be able to take on increasing areas of responsibility along with navigate the political landscape of the best jobs)
  • He’s ambitious and talks in terms of doing more and doing better in life – and he actually does something about it
  • He’s really, really smart and may have gone into engineering/IT/etc. because he came from a humble background and wasn’t aware of Real Alpha professions.  Or he knew about Real Alpha professions (Wall Street and American Psycho are favorite movies of his), but didn’t have the means to get there from his humble background/lack of connections
  • He learns all the time from his mistakes and gets better and better all the time
  • **Despite his ambition he appreciates his past and respects old fashioned values (important so he actually has the qualities of a good husband)**

I’m still figuring out how exactly women can keep a guy grounded in the traditional values/morals after he’s exposed to the dirty ones.  I’m still observing the women I know who accomplished this…

I’m amazed every day at how many guys out there believe in the concept of family, and of values, and of having a place for God in their lives.  It’s very comforting and inspiring too, especially when popular media would have you believe the world is just a greedy, hedonistic place.

A big plus of marrying a guy this way seems to be:  he will remember you as the girl who was with him before he became successful.  For some guys, this means a lot. (WARNING: there is nothing as powerful as genuine love for a person’s soul, and I personally do NOT recommend only marrying someone for money, because remember:  anything could happen tomorrow and it’s much better to genuinely love someone.  Wouldn’t you want him to love you for your essence too, if you were to become paraylzed tomorrow, rather than ONLY for your hotness and looks?  There is no happiness like genuine happiness of a person’s good nature and essence.)

Now if a girl gets a guy like the above, she may notice some weird things happen to him once he does start working in the big time (particularly Wall Street):

  • Wall Street guys are in the habit of talking big and acting big; his bragging bravado may be annoying to hear, especially if a girl is confused when he brags about something obscure and he gets impatient
  • He may not realize that he needs to turn off the macho./boys will be boys attitude when around women and not act like he’s with his work buddies
  • He may go through major mood swings (Traders tend to be crazy), and this may shock/scare a girl

I think this is something a lot of guys who start out in the top professions go through. A girl just has to wait it out and figure out how to deal with it without losing him.

Footnote:  a prominent guy in my life is a coal 🙂 And if he never becomes a diamond, that’s OK with me; he’s a really great coal as he is!

12 Responses to “From coal to diamonds: picking out guys who aren’t successful yet but will be”

  1. Default User Says:

    If you are looking for marriage I am afraid you will probably have to forget the traders. This is for all the reasons you mentioned. Essentially you are treated as a deal: there until the next new thing. Think G-manifesto with a Reuters terminal.

    Some of the quant types are probably better bet (smarts, high income, more stable). They also make great beta to Alpha projects. 🙂
    [probably not all quants are nerdy/geeky but it is more likely]

    Some of the I-banker types might also be OK. They are not quite as “wild” as the traders (more like a CEO). However, they may spend a lot of time traveling, a lot of time with aggressive (often attractive) I-banking women, and a lot of time entertaining clients in clubs…

    Engineering types are the most likely to be solid family guys. Of course they will be the least “exciting.” Read doug1’s description at roissy. He was talking about Scotty from Star Trek but it is a good description of the appeal of the engineering type. To put it in engineering terms you are making a trade off: stability versus excitement.

  2. David Alexander Says:

    One could argue that your post is bunk since it seems to reflect the idea that a beta male is merely useful for his money and not his sexual attraction. At that point, there is no incentive for a beta male to marry once he realizes that he’s being used and lied to not by just his significant other, but by society at large.

  3. Firepower Says:

    i said all the same stuff about her dichotomous Beta Quest, but she’s avoided confronting the issues I raise.

    she wants her cake and to eat it too. i wonder if she’s hot enuff to get away with it lol

  4. Default User Says:

    I just noticed this:

    Footnote: a prominent guy in my life is a coal 🙂 And if he never becomes a diamond, that’s OK with me; he’s a really great coal as he is!

    The answer to your Alpha/beta question might be there.

  5. Firepower Says:

    u could be right.

    thus, i predict she runs afoul of The Indian Beta Trap: a prenup

    better to market the exotic, virginal indian ass to a caucasian sucker who has slumdog millionarie fantasies awakened by the movie.

    i’m a sucker for homade tandoori – and nothing underneath that sari

  6. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Firepower – and why are you so interested in my motivations and what makes me tick? Why do you think I am this way Freudpower?

    I just do what I think will make happy in the long (and short) term, and what I think is right. Still figuring that out though.

    I know that with reward there is risk. And that there are opportunity costs to everything. So I’m just trying to do my best, and I accept that things may not turn out so great – but then I’ll accept that as what God wanted for me (if I must be suffer, so be it – it will make me stronger and teach me a lesson that I probably needed to learn).

    All the stuff you are saying about women seeing men as providers can be flipped to how men see women as toys for sexual amusement/emotional support. Either we can all let this stuff bother us, or we can get over it and focus on how the other gender treats us (and not get caught up in trying to understand the other gender’s complex internal world).

    I started this blog to try to be a better person and woman. If you think I will fail, then either please convince me of what I really should be doing (I am VERY VERY OPEN to new ideas), or let me fail and learn on my own that I made bad choices.

    Sorry if I’m coming across harsh, but in real-life haters are really getting me down (haters a.k.a. jealous b*tches).

    What am I doing to make people think they have the right to lecture me on how to live my life? Either convince me of your views, gently share a different viewpoint, or just leave me be.

    Peace out.

    P.S. Thank you Default Alpha. By the way, interesting thoughts on different types of finance guys. Funnily enough, the ‘prominent guy’ is not a finance guy at all! 🙂 At least not now… he is accomplished though and really fun. 🙂

    • Default User Says:

      Sorry if I’m coming across harsh, but in real-life haters are really getting me down (haters a.k.a. jealous b*tches).

      If the others are jealous it can only be because you are having success. Enjoy the success and try to ignore the b*tches.
      [I presume this jealousy is related to you getting the attention of hot guys while they do not.]

      Regarding ‘prominent guy,’ just remember coal can create fire, while a diamond just looks nice.

      Default Alpha.

      “Default Alpha.” I like it. I could get used to it. You charmer. You flatterer. Keep it up. 🙂

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        Ooh, you just made me realize I should really think about why they are acting b*tchy towards me (and if I am being oversensitive). Hopefully I am not coming across as bragging, or acting like I’m hot stuff, or something. Maybe the jealousy is about something else as well. Will have to think about all this… Thanks as always

    • Firepower Says:

      wow, what a wild response

      never really thouht about your motivations and what makes you tick b/c until you answer why you seek marrying a beta, while still fascinatied with Alphas, it doesn’t really matter

      • lovelysexybeauty Says:

        Keep on reading my thoughts and my blog? Maybe it will become apparent over time why.

  7. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Sorry, some of my comments are also directed to David Alexander.

    And again apologies for being kind of harsh. I just feel like everyone is trying to turn my smile upside down lately! I’m not hurting any one, so it’s like why do they care! It’s none of their freaking business any way, just because they are not happy/guys don’t like them like they like me…

  8. Losing hot points: oops! « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Just another weblog « From coal to diamonds: picking out guys who aren’t successful yet but will be […]

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