Don’t Listen to What Guys Say, Watch How They Act (Part 2): some guys are paper tigers

A lot of guys love to talk big about how independent and macho they are.  They’ll say things like:

  • “If my girl ever gains weight, I’m kicking her to the curb.”
  • “If my girl were to talk back to me, you better bet I’m slapping that b*tch.”
  • “Marriage, nahhh…. I’m not doing that. At least not until I’m 40 hehe.” (Said by a 25 year old guy)
  • “I’m only going to marry a girl who can accept that she’ll have to share me with a mistress or two.”

Whoaaaa tiger!

For sure there are some guys out there that will hold certain beliefs so dearly that they will never, ever compromise.

But there are many guys who like to talk one way but will in actuality act differently.  Once they actually get into a particular situation they will show a bit more restraint, flexibility, and open mindedness.

Paperrrr tiger!

This is pretty obvious when you think about it.  If you were to observe groups of men chatting, particularly if the guys are on the younger side, you will almost always hear some level of “big talking.”  Guys will tend to talk big about how they one-upped other guys, or about how they are going to be so successful, and of course about how they rule with the ladies.

Some of these guys will put on a big show in front of their friends, but in private with their girl will act very differently.

I can’t think of any links to prove this in terms of celebrity stories.  But all I can share is that I’ve seen guys who:

  • claimed they will never marry, get married once they met a special girl,
  • say that they would slap their women if she were to get out of line, become semi-subservient to a woman (usually a very, very physically attractive one)
  • say they would only marry a girl much younger than them, marry girls closer to their age.

Some things I try to remember:

  • Men and women both change with life experiences.  As you grow and have more experiences, your beliefs and ideas are shaped.
  • When people feel the need to prove something, they’ll tend to talk big.  Again it’s more important to watch their actions, particularly over time.
  • Situations change, and with them so do the importance of certain things.  And sometimes people are willing to trade one thing for another (e.g., freedom to be with any woman for the comfort of having just one to handle, so they can focus more energy on their career goals).

So let’s say you are girl seeing a guy, and he makes some sort of outlandish statement like one of the ones at the beginning of this post. Do you bail? Do you chew him out? Do you let him know that you also have certain “non-negotiables?” Or do you wait it out like a silent tigress stalking her prey?

My next post will talk about some ways to pass guys tests. I’m still learning how to do this myself, but thinking back there are some ways to turn common guy tests on their head.

———————————————

The theme of this post was partly inspired by a message sent to me by LILGirl – thank you!

9 Responses to “Don’t Listen to What Guys Say, Watch How They Act (Part 2): some guys are paper tigers”

  1. Ferdinand Bardamu Says:

    Another important thing to remember is that guys who talk excessively about stuff aren’t the types to actually do that stuff. They’re boasters, with lots of bark but no bite. A guy who actually would hit his girl if she stepped out of line wouldn’t brag about it at all- he would just do it when appropriate.

  2. Alex Says:

    I just read your latest post. Your insight is right on the money. The average man is often full of it when talking in the presence of women he’s attracted to or men he feels the need to impress. Much like when women lie, they often at least partially believe their own BS. It is human nature to do this, and men do it differently with women. Women lie more frequently, but men tend to be honest more often but tell bigger whoppers.

    A key way to distinguish whether the comment is bluster or genuine is whether the man seeks to raise his status by making the statement or whether his behavior is generally congruent with the opinion.

    If a man makes a statement that you deem “outlandish”, ask him why he believes it. Not out of an attitude of challenge, but curiosity. The more confident and well thought out his answer, the more genuine it is likely to be.

    As far as your non-negotiables, since you are seeking marriage, you should make these known early to avoid wasting your time. However, you should only bring them up gently and figure out how to bring them up as part of an interesting conversation, because if you show signs of screening him for marriage too soon it will be a turn-off. And never chew a man out! If you have a problem with something he does and you absolutely must, bring it up. However, chewing him out will be an instant turn-off for a masculine man.

  3. Hope Says:

    My guy told me, right from the get-go when we first started talking as friends, that he was absolutely not interested in a relationship, and that he was content with being single. At the time I was also recovering from a bad relationship, and I thought he was interesting, so whatever. I wasn’t wanting a relationship either.

    What Alex said about asking why he makes the statement is right on. I asked my guy why he preferred to be single, and he said that he was not interested in dating random women and having a relationship just for the sake of having one. He said he didn’t think he could ever find a woman who is not into the typical bullshit and who appreciates him for himself. He got burned really hard by two girls in his past, and so he was wary.

    Needless to say, we’re together now, and we’re really happy. He is an amazing guy, and I was really stunned that he was single. He was just also really choosy, so even though he had opportunities they weren’t right. A lot of guys say they’re not interested in a relationship, but really they are all looking for the right woman. When they find her, all their previous statements about how they don’t want to be in a relationship just go out the window.

    Macho posturings are sometimes just macho posturings done for comedic effect. A real red flag is if the guy is serious about feeling entitled to cheat on his woman and physically abusing their women. I would take these guys at their word and avoid that like the plague.

  4. jeff Says:

    Never been a girl so can’t say for sure///but if I were, #1 and #2 would be absolute show-stoppers. Too threatening & dehumanizing. #3, the world looks different when you’re 30 than when you’re 25..might really change. #4, maybe he’s just smarting off///if he’s serious, depends how important absolute sexual fidelity is to you.

  5. Savvy Says:

    This is so truuue! They always talk tough with friends. It’s best not to listen or be around.

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