First Generation balance: an interesting observation

I visited an Asian friend out of town a couple of weekends ago, and got to spend a lot of time with her and her circle of friends and family.

I made some interesting observations about how many first generation Asian girls seem to balance the traditional culture with modern successfully.  My friend comes from one of those ambitious and successful Asian families that has fairly humble roots:

  • At a first anniversary party for my friend’s brother and his wife, who’s a successful professional, he was the one to do the speech to thank everyone.  I was surprised because I had met his wife on an earlier trip, and she turned out to be another debate circuit girl from back in High School and a very outspoken person overall!  But around her husband he totally ran the show and she just sat there quietly when the spotlight was on them.  She was also very social though, just in a more subtle and subdued way.
  • My friend is also a bit outspoken and part-time is into several activist causes.  This is a girl who is type that loves to get up in front of crowds, take a leadership role, etc.  But around her boyfriend, all he has to do is motion to her to come over to him and she goes.  When he said let’s go she immediately went.  She’s a strong woman but completely under the direction of her man.
  • When socializing the girls were mostly quiet when the guys were making jokes around themselves, definitely were engaged and laughing by the way, but weren’t being the loud funny ones.  The girls were more busy making sure everyone was taken care of.
  • My friend’s mom owns a business but at home you would never guess it, she was an amazingly warm and motherly host.  She also was always checking on her husband, picking up after him and bringing him stuff to eat.

It was very inspiring to see some very educated and successful somehow balance being feminine and subdued with being strong.  Just being around them for a weekend I feel made me so much more feminine when I got back home!

10 Responses to “First Generation balance: an interesting observation”

  1. PMS Says:

    So you look towards East Asians for inspiration rather than your own Desi Mother, Aunts, and Grandparents???

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      I am inspired by anything that is inspirational 🙂

      Sometimes we take things for granted if we see them again and again, and when we see them done by a different person or in a different context, notice those things again.

  2. classactgirl Says:

    Smart women act like that because they know that men have egos and that egos like to be stroked. They know that a mans ego is stroked when he is in control and so they let him have his way without question over miniscule things like when to leave a party. The man thinks he’s in control but really its the woman pulling all the strings backstage.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      ❤ it! I agree, traditional relationships between men and women seem to work best when the man feels like he's in control and the woman pulls the strings indirectly. I feel like this is how women in the older generation did it… even before they had full equal rights with voting, and things like that.

      A couple of the girls I talked about are now Facebook friends. I was checking out their profiles… in the photos with their men, the guys have a very clear protective and ownership type of stance (for lack of better terms) with their girls; they are holding her around the waist, or have their hands on her hips, etc. It's almost like he's showing the girl off, like he's proud to be with her too…

  3. Keesh Says:

    But that sounds like a horrible time for the girls… I don’t understand how it’s inspiring at all.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      I think classactgirl above implied what’s going on… first, the girls are not letting miniscule decisions turn into big power battles.

      If a girl has a funny joke to contribute I’m sure it’s fine if she throws it in the conversation, but she’s not trying to overdominate… she can show her wit and intelligence in small doses rather than big long ones. She doesn’t have to ‘prove’ herself at all times and is comfortable being in the background at times, because at work or school she can shine when it’s her moment.

      As for the girls caring for the guys, picking up after them, etc. Well it could be looked at as a pretty even power exchange – the girls take care of bringing him his food, picking up after him a little bit, etc. And the guys pay for all the food they’re eating, drive the girls around in their nice cars, etc. Each side has its role.

      So what about do you think would make it a horrible time?

      • Keesh Says:

        The picking up after, the bringing the food, the not really contributing much to the conversation; that’s what gets me. I understand where you’re coming from, but I just don’t see how that is a FUN time. Maybe not horrible, but definitely not fun for the girls. At all, lol.

  4. PMS Says:

    Keesh, I hear you. It’s not fun. But it’s not mean for intellectual WOMEN with a strong sense of self-worth. This advice is for little girls with low self esteem.

    Game playing is for little boys and girls. Keepin’ it real is for adults, like you and me.

  5. gunslingergregi Says:

    Keesh it is called pair bonding or maybe “love” yea a hard thing to understand for sure.

  6. Skinny Makes You Pretty All Over: not just tummy, hips and thighs « LovelySexyBeauty: adventures in love, enchantment, & beauty Says:

    […] By lovelysexybeauty A post about East Asian women which happened around the time I had my own experience with some Asian friends brought me to buying this book:  Sex Secrets of an American […]

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