Girls Who Think They Look Good Are Often in Denial of Their Ugliness

There were some really great posts over at the Roissy blog last week about the correlation between thinness and attractiveness in girls.

It seems like many attractive women are highly self-conscious about attractiveness and are extremely self-critical.  That’s how they keep themselves from slipping. I’m just speaking anecdotally, of course.  But I think it gets to the concept I of  Hot B*tches I brought up earlier.

Some girls who have some mental control and are ambitious in the area of love and marriage are very disciplined about choices that impact their looks, and try to “fix” or improve every thing they can.  They are keenly aware of the competition out there!  In order to be competitive, they criticize every inch of their being and do something about it.

With Fashion Night Out and NY Fashion Week recently, I’ve had some interesting conversations with friends about what’s considered attractive in women.

Some girls are in major denial about how ugly and/or fat they are, and this denial is one of the major factors preventing them from making progress in their love lives.

  • One friend of mine is obese, not grossly so, but is definitely overweight.  Her opinion is that, “In real life, guys want a girl who is normal.  The fashion industry is really dumb for not using real looking models.” What a weirdo… I told her to ignore high fashion and think about the models chosen for Maxim, FHM, and those other lad mags.  The girls are very, very thin but also curvy.  This girl is in so much denial, she claims that guys don’t approach her because she’s so picky and must give off that vibe. Um no… they don’t approach because she’s overweight, and doesn’t even try to be one of those fat girls who compensates with a pretty face, pretty hair, sexy fashion, etc.  (She is a sweetie otherwise though, a very big heart.)
  • Another friend of mine is a typical American intelligent girl; she went to prestigious schools, is working in a prestigious job, and is a semi-knockout with her patrician blonde features.  However, she is at least 15 lbs. overweight, which isn’t a whole lot considering her height but it’s enough to keep her from being super-hot.  She doesn’t work what she has to compensate either, with sexy expressions, dress, voice and posture for example.  She just thinks she’s unlucky in love because she gets asked out constantly but by very “Beta” men for the most part (by quiet guys who are mostly just in awe of her, and haven’t accomplished as much in their education or work lives) .  Also, she is quite intellectual, high-brow, and opinionated, which I think are turn offs to most men.  She’s finally realizing she needs to be tone down the intelligence show and also act more girly, but years of being so butch-like are making her transition to girliness awkward.  She will sometimes say things that come out funny, or look kind of goofy or obvious when she talks about how much she loves to cook for example.  I wish her the best though… She’s the sort of girl who will do a lot of good in the world, and who always can answer any question I have about her areas of expertise and she’s amazingly open-minded and interested in other cultures (like the exotic half of my background 🙂 ).

The above are just a couple of examples, but they got me thinking…Am I in denial of the beauty improvements I can make? Roissy’s blog made me realize that the weight I thought was OK for me to aim for, is actually not low enough. I realized this on Friday. I’m also seriously considering getting some of those cosmetic surgery tweaks… it’s time probably!

Also I was looking at stuff like hotgirlswithdouchebags.com to pick out the hottest vs. those that just pass the threshold (heard about that from Roissy blog lol).  I need to aim for that top circle. It might be time for the cosmetic surgery I’ve been debating about…hm….

I’m going to focus as much time as I can on looking hot!  I want to look my very best for my Special Somebody…and for myself too! 🙂

24 Responses to “Girls Who Think They Look Good Are Often in Denial of Their Ugliness”

  1. LILGRL Says:

    Interesting. I was commenting over there on that post, and I have a few things to say. First of all, I do think that Roissy is actually a minority in what he finds attractive in women — in my experience, he likes women to be a lot thinner than most guys do. I suppose I should have clarified over there — that what I am about to say is not, at all, what I feel, but rather what guys I know feel.

    Yes, fashion models are a very bad indicator of what real men like. Every single man I’ve known, save for one, would rather have a girl +10 over his ideal weight (for a girl) than -10 under his ideal weight. Roissy and PA disagreed with me, but I strongly believe they’re the minority. This is not because I’m some crazy fat-sympathizer (as, I’m sure, some of them believe me to be) — it’s simply my experience with men. In fact, I’m MUCH less sympathetic to over-weight people (men and women) in general, because I come from a family of PE teachers and super-athletes. I’ve been lifting weights and working out since I was about 13, and my entire family is incredibly active and sports-oriented.

    It disgusts me, a lot of the girls that guys I know like. But, it’s the truth. So, definitely take some of the comments over there with a grain of salt. No guy I’ve ever been with has ever told me to lose or gain weight, but my current boyfriend has even admitted that IF HE HAD TO (note the operative phrase here), he’d take me with a little more, rather than a little less.

    Me? I like my weight, and, unfortunately for him, he’ll have to take me with a little less sooner than a little more (I have a thyroid problem and it’s physically impossible for me to gain weight).

    Also, she is quite intellectual, high-brow, and opinionated, which I think are turn offs to most men.

    I don’t think this is true. I think you’re misreading the actual turn-offs here. I think that the turn-off is an unfeminine woman — however, I don’t think that being intellectual/high-brow/opinionated is synonymous with unfeminine. Rather, I think it’s what comes with this — assertiveness, aggressiveness, crassness — that’s perceived as “unfeminine.” Of course, if your friend really is as hot as you think she is, and she does lose the 15 or so lbs, then she can probably even get away with those traits (SRSLY). Here’s the real story: Men like hot women. The hotter the woman, the more they can get away with.

    Really. I’m not very feminine. I know a lot more about football than I do about pop culture. I am quickly bored with shopping, but I can lift weights for hours. The only time I can stay up for 48 hours straight is when I’m coding something or when I’m playing an MMORPG. All of my cooking consists of pot roasts and steak. I’m clumsy, I laugh loudly, I argue about politics, I hate housework, I love putting things together and extreme sports. Etc. But I’m hot, so all of the aforementioned “unfeminine” traits are “endearing” and “charming” and “awesome.” Would this be the case, were I a fat 2? Um. No.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Great points Lilgirl. Especially about “assertiveness, aggressiveness, crassness” as sometimes being co-traits with being very opinionated. I can see how the hotter someone is the more bad behavior they can get away with.

      By the way, you don’t seem that unfeminine to me… maybe your interests are more traditionally masculine, but your manner doesn’t seem like the type where you’re trying to “own” the room (assertiveness). Perhaps you are very balanced… and yes a very hot Lilgirl too 😉

  2. Firepower Says:

    best tweaks lsb should put on her list of todos are lipo and depill. It’s the enduring gift that pays the Clever Girl for years to come

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      lol. People with lipo sometimes end up looking weird though… like very skinny tummy but chubby arms… or they have weird crater looking things if they gain weight back. On the plus side I’ve heard some people who get lipo on the mid and lower bodies sometimes get an increased bust… all that fat starts to fill up the fat cells there!

  3. Hope Says:

    “The only time I can stay up for 48 hours straight is when I’m coding something or when I’m playing an MMORPG.”

    Damn girl, that’s hardcore. I can only stay up for about 24 hours for an MMORPG and 12 hours coding.

    The fiance and I are playing Aion these days. The characters are hotter than WoW.

  4. Dylan Says:

    Funny to see LILGrl commenting here. The title of this post reminded me of her instantly.

    Women shouldt be more honest about critiquing other women. Why agree with a women when she calls herself hot and obviously isn’t? You don’t do them any favours.

  5. Spirit Fest First Says:

    What do you all think about this:

    http://www.csmonitor.com/2007/0424/p09s02-coop.html

    A Spiritual Void Filled by Ana and Mia…

    LILGIL, you say you are “hot”. What do you mean by that? Easily sexually aroused? Giving off vibes that say “I’m experimental”??? What is it?

  6. Nathan Says:

    She means that her boyfriend lets her dress like a slut and when strange men proposition her thinking she’s a prostitute, she thinks it must be her “radiating beauty” that attracts them.

  7. Mixed Meal Says:

    I wouldn’t say LILGIL is ugly. Her face is average/OK for an Asian and her body is alright. I wouldn’t go so far as to say “hot”, however I am inspired by her self-confidence. We women need more of that.

  8. Quakeboy Says:

    I have commented here before and it was removed.. I can speak more decently but this blog is very misleading.. and trying to give points like “try not to be urself kind”.. are u in high-school by any chance ??

  9. LTS Says:

    There have always been beautiful/ugly women, fat/thin women, etc.
    I think women just do not know how to dress appropriately anymore.

    Women used fashion to minimalize their faults and accentuate their assets. Not so much anymore.

  10. Vincent Ignatius Says:

    Would you be willing to share your current stats? Maybe your current diet and workout routine at least. Diet and exercise can go a VERY long way in making someone look good.

  11. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    VI – Asking with curiousity or to give advice? 🙂 Tips and advice are not minded… 😉

    Generalizing a bit, normally ranges between an embarassing 125-135 (5’6-5’8 – being vague to keep the haters off my tail hehe). My waist hip ratio is blessedly perfect – might be even less than .7. But all the weight missing from my tummy seems to go into my legs, hips and arms a little bit. I think I might look best at about 110-120 but I start to look gaunt around 120 which is the tough part.

    Diet varies by week. Have been on a raw foods kick for a good while (maybe 50% since socially I eat normal). So that’s mostly fruits and veggies. Interval cardio and weight training 3-6 times a week depending on how disciplined I’m being. Worst habits are:
    – doing extreme diets to shed quick poundage when I get big (ana mia type diets, where I fast and zigzag extremely low calories or do the Master Cleanse)
    – bingeing on desserts
    – yo yo dieting of course

    Take omega pills at the max dosage daily which seems to help a lotttt. Have also tried Perricone and South Beach diet with results, but very hard to sustain long term (though for my looks I should probably… So hard to quit cupcakes permanently though).

    UPDATE: Was thinking about this some more, and about what mentally stops me once I get to 120 lbs. from continuing to reduce the calories, etc. I do look a little gaunt with ribs poking out, bony wrists and ankles and hipbones, face looking more drawn and lone, etc. It’s also how others react with alarm. “You’re getting so skinny! Are you OK?” My parents also start to have talks with me about body image, etc.

    I think when one goes to a new level of skinniness, there is an adjustment period of looking gaunt but that one eventually fills out again. It’s hard to make it through that point though when everyone around is whisphering “I think she has an eating disorder.”

  12. Vincent Ignatius Says:

    That sounds pretty close to a recent girl of mine. Definitely a good body, but of course any guy with significant notches has seen many better. But, that body is much better than the average female. Don’t compare yourself to the average girl in the gym unless your ego can handle it.

    Your diet sounds similar to mine, even your worst habits. The owner of Ben & Jerry’s knows me by name and knows exactly what sundae I will order. As far as extreme dieting goes, I’ve found that if I do it with plenty of protein shakes, it can really help take the fat off without leaving me too gaunt.

    6AM oatmeal, banana, whey shake breakfast
    9AM Eggs, bacon and cheese 2nd breakfast
    12PM Apple with whey/casein blend shake
    130PM HIIT cardio
    3PM 2x whey/casein shake with yogurt and blueberries
    430PM whey/casein
    6PM whey/casein
    9PM casein

    This gives me ~1200 cal deficit vs. maintenance on that day. I do this 4 days per week and the other days I eat either my maintenance cals or slightly less. All that protein helps maintain muscle mass, which is one of the reasons people look gaunt when they lose too much weight. You might want to try something similar next time you crash diet. The post workout meal is there to keep the insatiable hunger from creeping up in the afternoon. How much protein do you get?

    My biggest problem is alcohol. I’m in charge of many bar nights, pub crawls, etc. so I get a lot of free alcohol thrown my way. Plus, I really just love beer and have an extra fridge in my house dedicated to beer. Social obligations also force to go out eat a lot, but I’ve become pretty good at eating good regular food. Show me the dessert menu though and I crack.

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  22. Just A Note Says:

    Hello. My girlfriend is advising me to be nice, although it would be in my nature to just be blunt and honest. The truth is not always nice.

    Coming across your reading it strikes me that all your thoughts are about looks, and you come across as being very vain, even if you do not view yourself that way. I think many of your doubts in your personal life stem from this. The fact that pretty much every second blog post is centered around the looks of either yourself or others.

    Life goes way beyond that. The fact that you´re shutting everything else out, including yourself, from spiritual and personal development because you are stuck on the physical factor of your life.

    My advice to you would be that you have to step out of yourself and see beyond people’s appearance. People have souls and characters too, not just a body.

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