Getting Girl Tips Out of Boy Game: cheating

I’ve learned a lot reading about Game.  Below is a very dark and serious example of how I cull out Girl Tips from Boy Game posts.

My personal advice to girls who read about Game is (take it or leave it, no worries):

  • It is important to understand what most guys truly think and more importantly, do;
  • While also understanding how guys differ.  There is wide range of values between the PUA/hedonistic subset and the marriage-minded/family man subset.
  • It helps to learn from both of the above, and adjust accordingly… because Game is reality.  And it doesn’t have to be depressing, it’s just life.  We all do the best we can with how life works.  And life can be very complicated and confusing.

Apologies for stream-of-consciousness below.  It’s more for me to think through my personal theories based on observation and study of others, rather than advice!

…………………………………………………………..

Roosh has a post on how to cheat on a girlfriend without getting caught.  I won’t discuss 1) screening out guys who are not truly committed or 2) figuring out if a guy is cheating.  Rather I will address 1) what a girl might do if she finds out and 2) how to avoid being cheated on in the first place.

Some points of interest to girls from the post:

“Obviously I don’t think cheating on a girlfriend is morally wrong, but I do think it’s wrong to bang your girl without a condom and then creep without because you’re exposing her to diseases that could create an uncomfortable situation.”

….

“Don’t let guilt change your routine. After a successful creep you’ll probably feel guilty for cheating on such a nice girl. You’ll then feel compelled to make a surprise phone call, be more affectionate or loving, or even buy her something small like a chocolate truffle or rose. Resist this urge and proceed with your normal routine because girls can sense when you’re doing something out of the ordinary. She’ll know that you are trying to relieve your guilt, and while she may not automatically assume it’s from cheating, she’ll know you did something wrong.”

I think these two points note something very powerful a girl can do as a countermeasure:  guilt and unpleasantness.  However, it is most important that HE feels the guilt from within. A girl who obviously tries to guilt trip a guy will fail. At best she can invoke his pity.  I have a couple of theories on how to best do this:

  1. Frame it so that you are pureness, innocence, a return to old-fashioned values, etc.  Treat him amazingly well.  (This works best if you are actually these things, by the way.)  MAKE IT SUBTLY KNOWN HOW PAINFUL IT IS FOR SOMEONE YOU LOVE FULLY TO HURT YOU BY NOT BEING FAITHFUL… but do so innocently.  Not like you have baggage because it happened to you before, or like a total controlling b*tch.  It all has to be done in a subtext way, which is extremely tricky to do.  For example, it’s like you have to make one little comment about these things that lead him to conclude it.  (Maybe I should write a post someday on this…you know how people can finish each other’s sentences because they’re following their line of thought?  Like that.)  If you do this well, he will guilt himself out… and the thought will pop into his mind when temptation comes that it might hurt you.  Note – this mainly works only if he has already committed heart and soul (e.g., married you).  Otherwise you are just a needy weirdo b*tch.
  2. If you find out he cheated… with minimal anger at him, become suicidally depressed. Cry your eyes out to him… without blaming him, more out of sadness that he doesn’t love you (if he does love you, this will put him in a position of trying to prove he does).  He will see that you take cheating as a feeling of non-love… it crushes your soul because you love him for the amazing man he is soooo much.  After crying hysterically again, WITHOUT ANGER…. either become like the chick in Como Agua Para Chocolate who basically stops eating and talking and moving, or attempt suicide.  I’m not joking.  Do either of these out of depression… just stop life. Don’t go to work, stop eating, stop talking… you have to feel this in your heart for it to truly work, obviously. (Give in to the dark side of depression.)  And you can’t be a drama queen type, where he just rolls his eyes and thinks there you go again… this has to shock him, surprise him that “Wow, she depends so much on me… loves me so much.”  Few things arouse as much pity as a good-hearted person who goes from happy to depressed after being hurt.  If he truly loves you and was just being a dog, this will arouse his deepest sympathies.  But if you succeed with the suicide thing you are of course dead…life is over.  Again, this only works if he loves you as in, he’s married to you and you give him lots of sexytime and he is happy with your behavior overall.  (With a boyfriend I’m not sure such desperate measures would work… total freeze out would probably be better, where he basically lost you.  And then move on immediately to dating other guys more… be like the stripper chick that drove Mystery the PUA into a little bit of one-itis in The Game book.)

The above are just theories I would hope to never have to field test.  But you never know.  I’ve never had to deal with this situation pre-marriage but my attitude is that until you are married, it’s free for all.  I would be looking at my alternatives and imagine he would as well.  (Note: It’s funny how a girl who is cool with “not being exclusive” almost always gets pushed to exclusivity then.  I thought guys would love an open relationship? 🙂 )

Also, the reference by Roosh in the quote to endangering health (from STDs) was interesting.  Roosh dismisses it as “an uncomfortable situation,” but form what I’ve witnessed hearing about guys talk about friends of theirs who are cheating… even men seem to recognize how unfair it may appear to some people to expose one’s spouse/longtime girlfriend to diseases that could end her life.  In the famous D. Romano debates in the Roissysphere, I believe she brought this up as well (to an extreme that I don’t agree with), about how Elin Woods was hurt by Tiger Woods since she didn’t know he was having unprotected relations with others.

Well… can you imagine loving a man and being faithful to him… and then finding out you have AIDS and will die in a couple of years because he cheated?  Yikes yikes yikes….
More interesting points:

“When you get good at cheating, you also get good at identifying cheating along with the precursors of cheating, like when she meets another guy that she’s attracted to. In due time you’ll be able to piece together storylines.

Friday: Your Brazilian girl texts you from a party, says there are “a lot of gringos.” Stays there late.

Saturday: You send her a text at 6pm but she waits three hours before replying that she was “sleeping.”

Following Friday: She says she’ll be busy Saturday, but doesn’t say with whom. Even though it’s easier to say “I’m going out with Stevie,” some girls have trouble lying.

Saturday night: She says she is free.

Likely Story: She met a gringo on the first Friday and he asked her to a coffee date or drink early Saturday evening. There he told her to keep the following Saturday free but eventually flaked on her. This means she’s actively looking for better. Either you step up and offer more of her core needs (without being needy about it of course), or you can say fuck it, get a couple more bangs, and move onto another girl. ”

Aha… on GirlGame Bhetti referenced something similar once.  Basically invoke the jealousy and mate-guarding instincts within him and he will step up how he treats you.  And become preoccupied with doing so too. (Roissy talked a lot about preoccupation this week too.)  However, it has to be completely natural and subtle.

Most people are not socially smooth enough to do this unobviously, and would try blatant things like, “This guy at my work was totally hitting on me.”  Nope, that is not gonna work… too obvious!  He has to see it to believe it.  OR…something like the girl in Roosh’s example WHERE HE HAS TO FILL IN THE BLANKS HIMSELF works better.  It’s like showing through actions (not being available) rather than telling him, that will drive him nuts trying to figure out what’s happening.  (Even better if you really are hanging out your good guy friend who he can tell has a crush on you, and if he knows you consistently attract attention when you go out and are naturally “friendly”.)

I’ve heard advice that the best way to keep a guy from cheating is to keep him busy worrying that you will leave, or that he will lose you.  BUT… it has to be done WITHOUT HIM EVER DOUBTING YOUR CHARACTER.  It has to be more like you are truly sweet and good (and hot), that it’s only natural that you might get caught up in some other man’s Game.  (Which is true.)  If you maintain attractiveness in yourself when in a relationship, and keep up your GirlGame and stay looking hot always, this works.

OR… he’s in reality about women’s hypergamy and he believes that it’s just in women’s nature to follow the sparkly shiny lure of “more Alpha.”  If he’s made peace with that point, that it’s natural for a girl to have temptations just like guys have temptations, then he won’t necessarily fault you for being human. A girl has to feel it out what her particular guy’s ideas are.

If he’s so busy worrying about you… less mental energy to spend playing around (finding girls, keeping them, hiding them, etc.).

I’ve also seen girls get a roving-eye hubby get VERY BUSY with taking care of the kids. I remember meeting one girl who married a really hot flirty guy (who didn’t mention he was married of course, after spending 30 mintues flirting with me and my friends at a party… until his wife found us out in the backyard and put an end to that.) She had like 3 kids right after marriage and made him superinvolved with them, made it a requirement that he spend time with them daily.  Smart way to make him too busy to cheat… for some time, at least.  I bet she might try to fatten him up with good cooking and discourage Rogain use too.

Roosh also comments:

“I find a lot of guys say “Oh I just maintain a strong frame and she knows I’m seeing other girls.”

1. No decent girl would accept this type of arrangement. I knew a couple guys who had this “open” type deal with a girl who I eventually met and they were pretty low quality. The only time this would work on a high quality girl is if you’re very high value yourself (i.e. Tiger Woods).

2. If she does accept it, she’s not taking you seriously. I find that if you’re game is tight, by the third third or fourth date she’s trying to get into a relationship with you. If she’s totally okay with that not happening, then she likes you a lot less than you think.

Cheating is necessary if you want to keep a quality girl around who wants to see you at least twice a week.”

More important information here.  A quality girl would not accept cheating.  I think many men who have experience with a LOT of girls come to this conclusion…because they’ve gotten a good sample of reality.  There is something very dissonant about a girl who is OK with cheating; it reeks of desperation.  If she has options, why would she tolerate such crap behavior?

Deep down inside most men realize there will always be someone more Alpha than they are.  Even the top PUAs know that give some top athlete a chance, and his girl will go running like this comment said:

Commentor Tampa:

““A man is only as faithful as his options”
-Chris Rock

And it’s no coincindence that women become more faithful as they get older. That’s because they get uglier – it’s not by choice.

I want to see some guy look down a 23 yrd old knockout for more than 12 months. Aint happening bro. Too many dicks being thrown her way. My attitude is either play the game knowing how it’s played or get run over; it’s your choice.

Most people who rage against cheating are people that can’t really get laid when they want.

If you think your average looking 150 lb brunette girlfriend wouldn’t fuck Derick Jeter or some toned out surfer, I have some metro accessible real estate in Georgetown to sell you.“

This guy gets it.  Guys who are PUAs who feel that they are the only hot guy around are narrow minded.  The world is filled with current and former jocks, model boys, rockstar boys, corporate hotshots, etc.  Alphas from Game (social skills), and “Paper Alphas” who have money or looks, all get attention.  A girl with options will likely exercise them as long as she can… unfortunately sometimes too long.

Roissy covered this idea this week also, as already mentioned, and earlier too (check out #1, the Tiger Woods mistress boyf story).

Also, Roissy had a great post this week on understanding why a man might be inclined to cheat that every girl should read (please note my comment there that a man’s h*rniness for his girl is just one metric, and not the ONLY metric, for how committed he is. He needs to be intertwining his life with her as well.)

Also… another frequent theme among comments in Roosh’s post (and elsewhere, before) is around some men’s frustration with ‘modern’ women and/or culture, and how unloving and unethical they/it is.

I think if a girl can embody being not that way, and truly unique compared to the rest of modern Western women, it will frame things nicely.  Mainly for a guy who longs for a return to good old-fashioned morality.  This type of guy might then step up his own ethics, and try to contain his urge to cheat too.  (Or try to limit his urges to less harmful forms like strip clubs and legal prostitution.)  PUAs train men to not look at women as “special little snowflakes”… however, it is finding that special snowflake that makes many men with options commit to one girl over all the other interchangeable snowflakes… if they ever do, that is. And some do.

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16 Responses to “Getting Girl Tips Out of Boy Game: cheating”

  1. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    The Frisky: Looking at the Tiger Woods scandal, how can women decipher a good guy from a player?

    PS: Well, there is no way to recognize whether Tiger Woods would do this or not. However, a guy who has multiple girls as friends and he’s straight, and not a metro—not getting manis and pedis with her—beware. That means he keeps his exes on a rotation, and that means he will go back for ex sex. Beware. He’s hanging out with his friends who are girls, going out to dinner with her once or twice a week and says “She’s just a friend,” who happens to be his ex-girlfriend, beware. That’s baloney. He’s keeping her on ice. That’s what [Tiger] did to Rachel Uchitel, he kept her on ice. He didn’t marry her, she wasn’t the marrying kind, she was the f**king kind.

    From Patti Stanger… interesting interview overall.

  2. Vincent Ignatius Says:

    What fraction of quality men do you think don’t cheat? I don’t believe I’ve ever met an alpha that didn’t cheat. Many men calm down in their old age, but chances are they fucked around like crazy when young and just have lower testosterone levels now.

    I don’t think your advice for guilt tripping a guy will work, but like Roosh, I feel absolutely no guilt when cheating on a girl. Other men may be different. The first couple times I cheated on girls, I did feel pretty guilty, but after the 3rd time, I was good to go. I’ll fuck my girlfriend and my #2 on the same day without an ounce of guilt. Your ideas would probably work better on a quality man who hasn’t had many sexual partners, a rare specimen indeed.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Thanks for the comment!

      About quality men who don’t cheat, that’s a tough one. I really don’t know.

      It might depend whether “quality” includes the acceptance of cheating. The definition of “quality” I’d use is a guy with a good balanced combo. of cad (“Alpha”) and dad (“Beta”?) qualities.

      I do think there is something to the idea of a man who has done the “playa” thing in his youth and retires at marriage to focus on other things.

      Would you be as guiltfree about cheating on a woman that you marry as your life partner, who is the mother of your children? Would you also feel no concern about the impact to your children finding out why mommy is crying? Genuinely curious… I wonder how emotionally bonded you are to someone who is not your wife, I guess? I wouldn’t expect you to be… I don’t think Roosh is as anti-marriage as Roissy, but I think that would shape any guilt feelings. (I don’t accept the idea that the only Alphas in the world are guys who never get married and/or play around their whole lives.)

      The only leverage a woman might have in some cases is the emotional bond a guy has to her – because any sort of sexual bond is by its nature short-lived.

  3. sonya Says:

    Attempt suicide to guilt your cheating douchebag over to fidelity? Who’s watched too many French flicks? That’s nth degree braindead nonsense – you’re making The Hills sound like Dostoevsky. Meds can treat that, call your doctor.

    • lovelysexybeauty Says:

      Well I’m not sure what other sort of, frankly, appeal would work other than a very strong emotional one. Things like this are what I’ve seen work in situations where there is more of a feminine-masculine dichotomy… traditional cultures, basically. (Although there is the danger that he doesn’t really love the girl any more, but comes back to her just so she doesn’t kill herself… which is bad as well.)

      What do you suggest might work to make a man in his heart decide he doesn’t want to cheat? Or are you in one of the camps that advocates 1) talking it out, 2) setting expecations, 3) leaving him? I am very curious about alternatives… because yes extreme measures are dangerous.

  4. sonya Says:

    One of Roosh’s key points was that a quality girl won’t accept cheating, period. I think European wives and girlfriends do accept it a lot more because “boys will be boys” is way ingrained in the culture (remember the French reaction to Clinton/Lewinsky? they were like “this made the news? vous êtes vachement stupide evidament!”) But here any girl with a clue knows she has options and not stomaching a creeping idiot of a bf who takes pride in not valuing her past a certain point her is a solid one of them.

    To each his/her own, but I’d ditch him. Lose him, delete, rinse, repeat, move on. 86 his ass. You might go through up to 3 irrational relapse cravings for him at which point you should call a girlfriend who witnessed him out creeping or at least heard your sad story second or third hand and will quickly re-highlight every aspect of his lame douchebaggery to you, which of course you already knew but needed to hear lest one of his late night booty texts hits you at a horny/vulnerable moment and the next thing you know you’re begging him to to marry you in Vegas a la Britney Spears.

    Also, any man you can “make” do anything isn’t worth a single date. Quality traditional feminine women can play the game better than anyone in the world by just knowing and believing in their value, behaving accordingly and not wasting their valuable time slumming with random sketchy riff raff. Slum a fling with them if you like a dirty weekend once in awhile (and who doesn’t?), but get remotely attached and you only have your own idiocy to blame.

  5. Vincent Ignatius Says:

    Would you be as guiltfree about cheating on a woman that you marry as your life partner, who is the mother of your children? Would you also feel no concern about the impact to your children finding out why mommy is crying? Genuinely curious… I wonder how emotionally bonded you are to someone who is not your wife, I guess?

    I don’t know if I would get married to a woman that didn’t turn a blind eye to my womanizing. I wouldn’t feel bad about her crying if she found out, but I would feel bad for the kids.

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