Girl Tips from Boy Game: a sample of female commenters of note last week

Here is a quick roundup of a few of the comments made by smart girls in the Gamesphere that stood out to me!

I learn not only from the guys talking among themselves, but also from the women who bring their own experiences and insightfulness to the discussion.

Sometimes other women will be able to bring out that point that one couldn’t quite articulate, or mention a scenario that a girl might find herself in.  And how Game concepts play into them.  Much to be learned this way… 🙂

The below are just a very few comments. It’s a pity there are only 24 hours in the day… and most of them taken up by other activities! 🙂

……………..

The ever wise and insightful Alias Clio made an important comment this week which I think reflects the advice given to women again and again, especially those that find themselves repeatedly hurt by the LoveGame.

The discussion was around women being attracted to men who act like jerks or simply reflect the capacity for jerkiness (as I understand the argument to be about).  Alias Clio mentions that women fall for jerks in spite of their jerk qualities.  When probed further, she says:

“Do you think that learning charm and cockiness were bad signs might have been you settling/setting more realistic goals of who you could get to commit?”

Would you believe me if I said no? The man I eventually found had both qualities, but used them in a different way. No setting out to make me uncomfortable or to prove his indifference to me by disappearing for periods of time – although he didn’t seem over-eager or needy, either. I knew he “had a life”.

Anyway, I had learned by then to get to know a man before I invested any deeper feelings in him than simple enjoyment of his charm.

I interpret this leading to the idea:  don’t take things too seriously with man until they are actually serious!  And don’t have expectations of a man, because with expectations often comes disappointment if they are not met.

Not getting too emotionally attached too soon is so important.  Desperation, anger, bitterness, and controlling behavior often arise from mismatched expectations from a relationship.  And all of these are such turn-off!  And poison the potential for a relationship to grow, because they can bring out the worst in each of us.

By the way, the Millionaire Matchmaker says something similar about just enjoying dating without taking it too seriously.  It’s fun to get to know another person, and in the context of courtship, it’s not just fun but sexyfun. 🙂

Any way, I’ll leave things at that.

…………….

Jumping now to my beloved GirlGame, LILGRL  expresses an opinion I agree with, about what exactly Game is.  Is it something new?  Is it a response to the current social and economic environment?  Nah.

…a great percentage of “game” consists of maddeningly basic social skills. If you’ve ever been to a “game workshop” or seen [the majority of] guys who pursue the PUA “skills,” you’ll very quickly realize that there’s a fairly obvious reason as to why they are doing so — they are generally not average in terms of social skills/ability to talk to women.

….

Part of the psych here is to bring the girl down “in your mind” so that you’re more capable of approaching her like a normal human being. I’m sure every PUA in a 500-mile radius will disagree with me, but that’s mostly because, again, there’s that weird arrogance. PUA’s like to brand their endeavors as the “science” of seduction–they’re very into explaining, down to the very last detail, every possible way of interpreting and/or reacting to a situation. Which is kind of interesting, I’ll admit (that’s how I got here), but ultimately useless. What they’re doing is explaining very basic aspects of human nature that MOST PEOPLE do not need explained to them.This is why I maintain, as I’ve previously said, that PUA-ism will NOT catch on as a phenomenon. Partly because most people don’t need it, and partly because most people just don’t care. “Game” attracts the nerds, geeks, hyper-intelligent, and socially inept. Everyone else–natural players and regular guys alike–are interacting enough (and smoothly enough) with women that they just don’t care.

…..

…there are a lot of people who fail at negging. But remember these are THE SAME PEOPLE WHO FAIL AT BASIC SOCIAL INTERACTION.

Some of what I quoted might sound harsh, but I think it’s just LILGIRL being pointed.  I don’t think Game is something new, perhaps it’s a new way to look at these basic social and relationship skills… but it’s timeless.

It’s management of one’s inner world with interactions in the outer world. It’s knowing how to pick up cues in others and smoothly interact in a variety of social settings.  It’s Emotional Intelligence, in some ways.

…………

Also, I have to again call out wonderful Miss Pupu… of whom, her lovely presence does stand out in the no-h0es-barred locker-room of Roissyland:

[lovelysexybeauty:]…I find it so interesting how Pupu has managed to attract the admiration of Rossy… without ever posting a pic. or describing how she looks…. or even e-mailing Roissy offblog from what I can tell. (This is not the first time he’s called her out… he’s teased her a few times and even thought she was the pixie she posted to girl rating page.)  To me she’s always come across as sweet… gentle… cute… and very importantly, mysterious (without making you feel like she’s leaving out important details).  I feel bad analyzing more of her GirlGame… i think she’s just being her balanced sweet self, rather than trying to lure in all the boyz.  (Not that there’s anything wrong with deliberately trying to lure in the boyz ). But it’s veryyyyy interesting. The use of the 3rd person… the short sentences… light short airiness… the cutesey sounding name (which could have been taken as waste connotations… no one has ever gone there!)… cool girl!   her girly frame is very strong… even among PUAs.  lol.[editor: precisely. some of the ladies could learn a thing or two from pupu’s feminine charms.]

……….

Pupu is humbled and overjoyed.

If only Pupu could leave in this message box a can of green tea, a jar of marmalade and two scoops of ice cream!

[editor: don’t ever change.]

What a sweetie! 

Although I aspire to be more like Pupu, I’m not sure I can do on blogs and still get what I want out of them (or maybe I can but I haven’t gotten to that level of GirlGame yet where I know how ;-)).  But in real life I do aim (occassionally successfully hehe) to be as light and breezy as her!

I was made fun of for calling being light-hearted and simple as, “let yourself be as girly as you want to be” in a post I wrote last year.  But I think if a girl is truly in touch with her femmy side (the good parts, I mean, hehe)… she will naturally be more like Pupu.

Also, despite Pupu occassionally referring to angst about certain things, she still gives off a sense of generally having inner peace and calm.  I think this is the core quality that leads to all else that is good in life, including being in touch with one’s femmy side.

………..

Black&German referred to something I’ve believed for some time similar to the above, about inspiring men to be more Alpha, just by using some girly influence:

It’s also possible to “settle” for a man who isn’t dominant, and change him into a dominant one by the way that one behaves.

……

…it’s really quite easy to do, just vacate the power center of your relationship and he’ll get forced into that position out of sheer desperation. LOL. But it takes a large dose of humility, which many women don’t have.

….

…it works much better than Game does, because it’s easier for a woman to do this, than for a man to change his personality. But, as with Game, there is a large initial hurdle to get over: changing the way you view your partner, your self, and your relationship. Once you do that, the rest comes by itself quite easily.

There was some interest dialogue that followed about what happens if a girl manages to shape a guy into too much Alpha, with a great example of this:

[sdaedulus]

I do think there are degrees of beta though. An upper beta may well have enough alpha in him to satisfy a woman of medium hypergamy. It may be possible with the energy and determination outlined above to slide a man up the beta scale a couple of degrees.

The question is – when to stop? What happens if you go too far, and accidentally turn him into an alpha? The process involves very fine nuances and the temptation to overdo it must be irresistible for a woman of medium hypergamy. That’s why I feel your approach only works for some women. Of course the men must be malleable as well, and not be too low on the beta scale to start with (or be very quick learners)

….

[temporarily anonymou]

This is what happens usually with some famous people (athletes, some people in showbiz). The guys get married young, while having more potential than actuality. Their woman may not be entirely responsible for their success, but they may have positively influenced the setting in which the guy succeeded.

Once these guys raise their status, they either stick around with the wife because she was there all along or she’s loyal or because they have kids together. Others use their new-found power to other ends.

So, to answer your question: to minimize the odds of the guy becoming too alpha for the girl, they should get married young, while he’s still grinding it to the top.

This merits more discussion for sure.  How can a girl try to “shape” a man without coming across as controlling, and blowing the aim which is to bring out his dominant side?  What are the indirect ways a woman can bring out the manly void he needs to fill, without seeming like it’s forced or like she’s just being annoyingly immature?

Black&German has said she will share her thoughts on how exactly to do this soon, and I am certainly looking forward to it!

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4 Responses to “Girl Tips from Boy Game: a sample of female commenters of note last week”

  1. Vincent Ignatius Says:

    Will a girl still feel attraction for a guy if she has to alpha him up? I think it can be done, but the relationship won’t last. My first definitely pushed me to be more alpha, even though I didn’t realize what she was doing at the time.

    “Game” attracts the nerds, geeks, hyper-intelligent, and socially inept. Everyone else–natural players and regular guys alike–are interacting enough (and smoothly enough) with women that they just don’t care.

    That demographic tends to get the most involved in the “science” of game and really go all out, but plenty of regular guys stumble upon game and see enough value to study up a bit. I’m one of those; before game I scored some pretty hot girls (probably greater beta on the Roissy scale), but now I’m a huge step above that and easily one of the most popular fish in this small little pond of mine.

  2. Michael Says:

    I always thought that with the high performing athletes getting married young, a lot of it is because they have a ton of professional responsibility thrust upon them at a very tender age, responsibility better handled in the supportive climate of a marriage.

    Picabo Street, the US Olympic skier, in speaking on the ‘hook up’ factor at the Games, responded it’s not a huge factor even in an eye candy festival like the Olympic Village, as people with poor impulse control generally won’t ever become elite world class athletes.

    Super achievers in athletics understand better than most about sacrifice, diligence and commitment, also qualities which lend themselves to successful marriages.

  3. yup Says:

    Hey – the betterbeta’s back.

    http://thebetterbeta.com/

  4. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    VI

    Will a girl still feel attraction for a guy if she has to alpha him up? I think it can be done, but the relationship won’t last. My first definitely pushed me to be more alpha, even though I didn’t realize what she was doing at the time.

    I would imagine if she felt he didn’t Alpha up enough, or in the way she liked, she would not feel attraction. This might work better if a guy is say, 75% of the time Alpha but has some not-so-hot moments. It’s like he has potential to be more Alpha, but loses it sometimes.

    Michael

    …people with poor impulse control generally won’t ever become elite world class athletes.

    Super achievers in athletics understand better than most about sacrifice, diligence and commitment, also qualities which lend themselves to successful marriages.

    Great point, and one I hadn’t considered much before. I usually thought more about the benefits of a supportive spouse to men in high-pressure, high-stakes professions.

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