And it all goes to poodles…

I feel an overwhelming sense of life’s eternal suckage right now.

I just feel so angry all the time… am I getting into bitter territory?

What is making me so mad?  Stupid frigging wedding planning.

But shouldn’t it be the joy of my life?  To prepare of the day when I can be with my man forever?

This makes me feel bad and guilty.

But I have to be honest with myself in order to find peace.

  • I hate the drama that comes from my parents, his parents, and disappointingly, him
  • I hate feeling pressured to do things in a way I don’t like
  • Although I am happy that in the end, some of my decisions did win out (despite others not supporting them even now!)
  • Yet it makes me mad that we have a budget.  Yup, there I said it.  I never imagined that I would have to worry about money when getting married.  And here we are, even with a smallish wedding, freaking out over how limited my options are.

I think that’s it really.  Something inside absolutely infuriates me right now that I have to worry about money.  The whole world has to worry about money… the whole world has to manage their cash flow… so many rich people have to declare bankruptcy, and they have so much more to work with!

Yet it makes me so anger and yes, even a little bitter at life that despite my not being a big spender, I have to worry about money.

A little over year ago I was able to buy a very high end handbag.  It was a splurge, but I could afford it because I manage my money fine.  I could go on all sorts of trips to see friends or places I’ve wanted to visit, I could eat in any restaurant, I could go buy a fancy dress or do a spa day, or get personal training to look better and hotter.

Now I’m so angry that such things are out of reach.  I just can’t spend like that.  Not my own money, not the shared money.

I only have myself to blame for this, and I feel so incredibly guilty about it too.  (I even wonder if I should post this, but where else can I turn?  Plus the people who this might hurt don’t even read so it’s OK.  And I don’t care if they do really, maybe something would come out of it I can’t bring myself to take action on yet.)

Why does it bother me so much that I have money concerns?  It’s not like I’m in horrible debt or anything.

But I DETEST the idea that I am so limited in my options due to money. I hate the idea.  I never in my life planned to get married and have to worry so much about money and borrowing and running out.

And about selling expensive fancy cars (that were so great to be driven around in).  That makes me so mad.  It’s like I was showered with a particular lifestyle, and now that I’ve been locked down, it’s being taken away.  It’s almost like I was shown a completely false view of the situation.  And I’ve been supportive while old lingering issues are resolved, but they were supposed to have been resolved months and months ago.  And they aren’t.

And yes he has tried to resolve them, but the fact remains he hasn’t.  Fine, often because of matters out of his control (I still feel like not enough was done out of ego really… and I see people in similar situations who have done so much more out of it creatively, but of course I can’t be rude and masc-y and suggest that hey, look what this other person is doing).  And again, like before when he ran into those stumbling blocks, his attitude bothered me.  It was a defeatist attitude.  It would usually pass after a week or two of processing.  But it was there.  Hate it.

I’d almost rather not know about his problems.  Which I guess isn’t being a supportive partner.  But I don’t want to know.  The respect goes down, sorry it does.  I don’t care how many tingles are activated otherwise.  It’s overshadowed at those moments, quite strongly.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting a particularly lifestyle for myself.  I don’t care if I’m judged.

I’ve tried to think spiritually:  maybe these times are to help me build character.

Maybe these times are to teach me lessons about humility, patience, and simplicity.

It’s so hard though.  Regular religious study is not helping.  Maybe I need to do more intense things.

I guess some piece of baggage in my psyche feels so sad and disappointed.  I’m very flexible and open-minded (well I try to be), but it feels more and more like my life is not turning out the way I imagined.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me.  Oh well.  If my fate is to be poor rather than rich, I guess it’s in God’s will.  He doesn’t want me to have the lifestyle I’ve dreamed of.  He wants to punish me.  He wants to teach me a lesson.  He wants me to be unhappy.

So I’ll end by saying I leave it all in the hands of God.  If God wants me to add stress (and aging!) to my life by worry about money constantly, and constantly feeling like there isn’t enough, and feeling ashamed and embarassed that we can’t spend money like others can… so be it.

People will just think I’m the idiot for having made the choices I have, and that’s fine.  They might be right.  Maybe some of my girlfriends will have pity  on me, and they’ll use their big purses to help a girl out the next time there’s a big fancy vacation or shopping expedition (some of their guys def have the money to spare).

Is it better to be utterly completely alone for your whole entire life yet able to have parts of the lifestyle you want, or have togetherness but worry about money all the time because you want to be traditional and not work much and let him lead?  (I’m not in denial dreaming of what else OK… market value will have dropped off the cliff by the time I regain my bearings… it takes years and with my personal choices about virginity, it’s a 1 in a bazillion chance)

I pray to God to just give me the inner peace to live with this.  That’s all I need.  It’s so hard to let it go, when all around you everyone else has no money problems. 😦

20 Responses to “And it all goes to poodles…”

  1. thetimes Says:

    Has his financial circumstances changed? Or were somethings concealed?

    Do any of your girlfriends have marriages you think are good – in terms of the spiritual and the material. If so then your ambitions are then not pie in the sky.

  2. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Yeah know several people in marriages that are fulfilling in multiple ways. The religious and spiritual institutions I am a part include many – who happen to be pretty well to do as well (I guess those with enough sometimes have the leisure to seek more and also do stuff like donate money?).

    Problem is partly some prolonged expensive problems and also living off parental money. Its great to have parents that can support a great lifestyle and have set things up so you can live off that, but that’s not indicative of a person who uses privilege for good. And he is aware of hat

  3. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Aware of that and made his own starter fortune which is very respectable and shows conscience and character. Yet that same conscience means he is taking less from them – which is a good thing and he should but its like hurry up and resolve the gap already.

    I am happily enjoying my hard earned pay which isn’t as much as his peak at all but way less than his current inflow. It’s embarassing and makes me feel like his b word which I hate hate hate. I don’t like this feeling. I hate it it worries so much that what if he is paralyzed by the baggage from his experiences (yuck) and doesn’t get over it and creatively resolve the situation.

    I guess people who spent much of their lives socializing and being with the it crew instead of nerds like me prefer to socialize their way out of bad situations. Charm doesn’t always work as he’s seen..
    Sigh this sucks

  4. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Ugh that same socializing and being the hot bad boy everyone loves is what got him into this mess. Bad luck too since most get way with it but those that get made an example of… ugh

  5. A.J. Says:

    Miss Beauty,

    It’s obvious you were sold a fantasy and fell for it hook, line, and sinker. This guy made you think he was Mr. Big Stuff and it was all facade. What kind of imaginary world were you living in where money was taken for granted? Part of the problem seems to me that you are spending too much time trying to keep up with a lifestyle that you simply could not afford. If its any solace, I would bet my entire savings that some of your friends are living a charade as well. With easy credit and parents that spoil them, many people are able to live unsustainable lives for years before it finally catches up to them. On the one hand, I would advise you to seriously reconsider this marriage if he led you to believe things that weren’t true. On the other, it appears that materialism turns you on, and without it, you would never have fallen head over heels.

  6. Nathan Says:

    Focus on the marriage and not on the wedding. If you plan on living your whole life keeping up with the Jones’, then maybe consider trying your luck with someone more financially secure. If you actually love him, for richer or poorer, learn to be a bit more frugal.

    Remember that things get worse with marriage, not better. If you’re bitter already, you really need to sit down and think about how this is going to pan out long term.

    You can work, you’re not in debt. The only problem (that you have hinted at) seems to be your own attitude, and that is entirely in your control.

  7. Bhetti Says:

    Up and down, up and down.

    Nobody’s perfect, lusbee, and you’ll rage at the same things that you also love. Two sides to every coin.

    Lifestyles are empty. Believe me, I know. I’ve been in villas with two maids and I’ve shared one bedroom with four other people. You can adapt, even enjoy it. There’s always new friends, new societies, new horizons.

    Feeling secure is the most important and only important thing about money; I think that’s something that must come from your own job as much as possible, not his.

    Sounds to me like his income can get very uncertain, that the way he might conduct finances is risky. He might depend on you sometimes, and it will be stressful.

    You just need to decide. Do I stick to the one I have, knowing this endless risk, or do I leave, and find someone more steady? Be at peace with the decision.

  8. thetimes Says:

    “paralyzed by the baggage from his experiences (yuck) and doesn’t get over it and creatively resolve the situation.”

    Has something been revealed that you didn’t see before? Debts – gambling? Which has revealed a side of his personality?

  9. Linkage is Good for You: Spectacular Edition (NSFW) Says:

    […] LovelySexyBeauty – “And it All Goes to Poodles…” […]

  10. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Thanks everyone for the inputs. Really appreciate the nonjudgemental perspective. Am reflecting over a lot of things.

    He has already started coming up with a plan and recognizing the shortcomings in his prior approach. Don’t want to get into details but all thus is around him being able to continue in his career field (one of the professional ones where its lucrative but you have to stay in good status to practice you know what I mean?). Not being in that field I didn’t totally know since his situation is rare but it feels like he didn’t do enough.

  11. Bhetti Says:

    LSB:
    he didn’t do enough
    You’re finding it hard to respect him right now. But let’s say he did lose his income totally, and you disagree with his methods, which may’ve even won him it in the first place.

    You need to love him still, and recognise he has a diff approach to life. Finance is the thing that breaks people up. He may fight his way up, but that’s more difficult if you’re not supporting him too. And he’ll remember how you acted when he was down. You can suggest and work with him to solve it, but not raging at him and making him feel inadequate for not being perfect. He has his imperfections and they’re part of what you love, what you must love and allow for to live with.

    Always think long-term about the relationship, not what difficulty is happening right now.

  12. Trevor Says:

    Who cares about a wedding? It’s temporary and irrelevant, society is making you think its important.

    Your relationship is what is important. When I get married I’m going to walk to the courthouse and sign some papers, I’m not even going to get engaged, it will be like this, “I’m marrying you, lets do it, now.” The party can come afterwards, thats all it is, a party.

    You care about money because you’re a female and it’s really ingrained into you, but money is COMPLETELY irrelevant in a good relationship if you have enough to be comfortable (shelter, clothes, food).

    I would never marry you after how you are dealing with this financial setback, you really need someone like Dr. Phil to slap some sense into you, you either love this man and want to be with HIM forever… rich or poor… get your priorities straight.

  13. Dylan Says:

    “…add stress (and aging!) to my life by worry about money constantly, and constantly feeling like there isn’t enough, and feeling ashamed and embarassed that we can’t spend money like others can… so be it.

    …Maybe some of my girlfriends will have pity on me, and they’ll use their big purses to help a girl out the next time there’s a big fancy vacation or shopping expedition (some of their guys def have the money to spare).”

    Your social group basically sounds poisonous. His is probably the same as shallow people tend to attract shallow people. You don’t need more money – you just need new, less materialistic, less judgmental friends, and a new outlook on life where you don’t define the success of your relationship by how much money you can throw around on mundane shit.

    If you love him, you’ll ditch the big wedding reception all together and get married in the backyard around a bbq rather whine about what an entitled princess you are. Newsflash: being the “traditional wife” is not just about letting your man do most of the earning, its also about being supportive in his times of need.

  14. gunslingergregi Says:

    LSB
    Yea umm I planned a big giant wedding with the wife and then I cancelled it when I got home on purpose just to see how she would react and also yea I didn’t want to spend that much at the time.

    Then I freaking sent her all my money I had in the world just to see how she would react to me then coming home.

    Because getting the right woman for a man is the most important thing in the world for his well being.

    My woman is passing with freaking flying colors because she loves me.

    I was spending 10k per two weeks I saw her partying like a rock star now I spend about 600 a month and you know what we are happy.
    We are having fun together. Sure there was a couple shit tests but other than that I got her laughing all day long and she still is wet all day.

    Bhetti is correct because now that my woman has proven herself capable I am going to make her rich beyond her wildest fucking dreams.

    Even though I could just grab another chick to do what she does she has earned a spot in my life permanently.

    ”””””You need to love him still, and recognise he has a diff approach to life. Finance is the thing that breaks people up. He may fight his way up, but that’s more difficult if you’re not supporting him too. And he’ll remember how you acted when he was down. You can suggest and work with him to solve it, but not raging at him and making him feel inadequate for not being perfect. He has his imperfections and they’re part of what you love, what you must love and allow for to live with.

    Always think long-term about the relationship, not what difficulty is happening right now.
    ””””””
    He sure as fuck will remember what happened.

    I mean do you understand how money works?
    Have you ever spent 25k in 2 weeks?
    Do you know it is possible to spend 25k a week on a continuous basis and have nothing to show?
    I mean you can spend unlimited amounts of money.
    There is no limit on how much you can spend.
    Do you know millionaires who live lavishly?
    I mean really I was spending 10 g’s in two weeks like it wasen’t shit.

    What is the budget on the wedding?
    You have a job making good money and you could only save enough to buy a purse like that was a big deal?
    I saved a 100 g’s and that is enough for me to retire permanently and have a good time at the strip club for the rest of my life.
    You need to work on being an assett to a man instead of a succubus leech trying to suck him for all he has and have him end up with nothing.
    Have you ever had a 100 g’s in your bank account.
    That is why I encourage men to test their woman and make dam sure that they are bringing more to the table than just pussy.
    I expect a woman to at least own her own house outright and then she is gonna have to demonstrate an ability to save money and support herself without working by opening some business project and managing it on her own.
    My wife cannot read and write and she has done this.
    Why can’t you be an assett to your man?

    Please dump him and give him a chance to get a woman he is compatible with and you can get a man you are compatable with.

    Or please go to some marriage counseling with him or talk about what you expect out of life and he can tell you what he expects out of life.

    If neither of you understand life at all how can you get married?
    Figure these things out for the love of god.

  15. gunslingergregi Says:

    ””””””I pray to God to just give me the inner peace to live with this. That’s all I need. It’s so hard to let it go, when all around you everyone else has no money problems.”””””

    What do you think you bring to the marriage that warrants you getting shopping trips and the expeditions to places and all that jazz?

  16. gunslingergregi Says:

    A stay at home woman who’s only job is?

    Your gonna quit your job so he has all bills but then you expect to actually have in addition plenty of time like all day to spend money?

    I mean doctors only freaking making median income of a 96k
    professionals making median of 100k

    So I mean really what does this dude make that would allow you to live lavishly?

  17. gunslingergregi Says:

    amazing.

  18. lovelysexybeauty Says:

    Hey Gunny, thanks for the comments. I really appreciate it. A post is coming out tomorrow with an update on the situation… things have blown up.

    I’m not sure why I feel the sort of resentment I do. Your story is interesting about having your woman work on herself and getting that financial freedom for you both to enjoy…

    It’s complicated and I need to think over it. I think I have my own issues about not having planned life as me having to earn all the money I hope for until much later (after college basically).

    I’m in that situation now sort of, and having to learn about spending.

    I haven’t saved up $100k, but it’s been up in the $40s (lower now for various reasons mostly wedding related and also some irresponsibility on my part leading to some high fees). I am debt free basically. I think that’s my problem – I’ve realized people strategically use credit and investments to max out their money rather than living on a pure cash flow basis like me. So that’s why an expensive purse to me was like OMG… I don’t want to touch my precious savings.

    Sorry to be so long winded… you’ve given me food for thought. Since I started paying close attention to Roissy and Roosh, I’ve decided I must use my youth at all costs, hurry up and settle down asap and not think I can be a princess.

    Now I’m thinking so what if I end up all alone… I’ve always accepted that, but I wanted to at least try to “life partner” thing. It’s an interesting experience for sure to share your life with someone… and I’m ready to face the emotional challenges and ostracization from not having a husband/partner. Hopefully I’m attractive and thin and sweet enough that people will just amount it to bad luck… which will help lessen one factor that causes depression among single older women, I hope. (I’ve been observing a friend in her 30s who is without a man, the girl is half-suicidal… I think she puts too much importance on having a man, and too little on losing weight and becoming ultra super duper sizzzling burning hot.)

    Maybe I’ll go back to being the eternally single (but not really, more just hiding the guys until things are superserious hehe) chick. I feel horrible saying this, but I can already think of the omega orbiters I could use to feel better, and the more beta friends I could actually turn to for help in going in a new directino…. plus I’ve written before about missing the playette side of life… though I think trying to do that as I get older woulod be folly.

  19. gunslingergregi Says:

    ”””’I haven’t saved up $100k, but it’s been up in the $40s (lower now for various reasons mostly wedding related and also some irresponsibility on my part leading to some high fees). I am debt free basically. I think that’s my problem – I’ve realized people strategically use credit and investments to max out their money rather than living on a pure cash flow basis like me. So that’s why an expensive purse to me was like OMG… I don’t want to touch my precious savings.””””’

    That I can more understand.

    Try this with your dude.
    You continue to work a few years and save every penny while he works and you guys budget whatever it is he makes to live on.
    Don’t get the big house. Don’t get the expensive anything. Then after the second year of you saving money take that second year money and go on a shopping spree as a reward and buy anything you both want. It will probably be most things you could want like massive wardrobe and such. (as long as we aren’t talking 300k watches or cars). Then that should incentivize you to maybe put a couple more in and then maybe just buy something that produces money that you can both use to take trips.
    I don’t know the details of your relationship but you could probably work together to make the princess dream happen with a little planning and him understanding what you want and you understanding what he wants.

    Or yea life is a bitch lol
    What do ya want he he he

  20. Roissy-in-DC, The Spearhead and the Vox Day Manosphere: They Say She’s Really a Man, Part 3: The Importance of Being Genghis (a Solution to Declining Birthrates) « Escapist Says:

    […] of such viewpoint that I have love for): what this statement is really about is the girly girls who use girliness as a  crutch: “I can’t do anything for myself, so I’ll major in fluff-studies and Date a Banker to buy me […]

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