Something I’ve experienced a few times already in engagements is what some people call abuse.
Knowing the feminist lens through which people view male-female interaction in the West, I know better than to take the word “abuse” at face value.
What is abusive behavior though? This is what people have told me a former fiance, and now my current one, have done to be “abusive” toward me:
- Displaying extreme anger via shouting, cuss words (which I don’t use nor do I like), and Mel Gibson-style storming around
- Blaming me for things out of my control (e.g., things my parents or friends do)
- Insulting me in terms of how I look, my age
- Making threats of leaving the relationship if I don’t change
I don’t see the above necessarily as abuse. I think it’s more a personality thing.
Or someone trying to coerce someone into doing something when they haven’t been successful through reason and other means.
Or someone not quite sure why they want out of the situation so instead creating a smokescreen of anger about some perceived “big issue.”
It’s interesting. Hearing the Mel Gibson tapes, I would say he was very threatening at parts – it was the fact that he referred to physical violence so explicitly that made think yeah, he went too far.
But in my case? Not so sure.
I just know that I am so over it – male anger, that is. I’ve gone through it before, it was one of the factors in the dissolution of an engagement… and it also is good because it shows you a person’s value system from a perspective you may not always experience.
So let’s see if this engagement of mine dissolves as well.. *sigh* It’s about to become a recurring joke. I think because I’ve been engaged so many times, I’m kind of blase if another one bites the dust. Story of my life really.
And I’ve had so many misgiving about the provider side of the person I’m to marry, it’s even easier for me to accept that ending things would be OK. Sure, it might take me a precious year (of youth) to get over the tears and baggage, I have my moments of intense longing. But it’s nothing that time, reflection, meditation, acceptance, prayer, and self-improvement wouldn’t heal at some point.
I put this situation in God’s hands; He may do as he sees fit, and let its destiny unfold as it should.