I’ve been trying to observe what I’ve felt and sensed as I go through this sexual awakening of the shrew called “marriage to a virgin.”
One thing I’ve noticed about myself is that I feel more hopelessly in love with my now husband than I have ever felt. Euphoric love at Twilight-teen levels. The sort of love where it almost hurts, I love him so much I would die if anything happened to him.
I want to be around my husband constantly. I love to kiss him and touch him and smell him. I hate to not be around him. I think about him constantly. I love everything about how he looks, acts, talks.
I love to make his morning coffee and bring it to him. I love the look on his face when he tastes something I’ve made and says it’s really good. It makes me so, so happy to serve him, my own living deity, in this way.
How is it possible to feel this way about someone? We’ve known each other close to 2 years now. We never had sex until we got married. Now we have it as much as possible. Even though it still hurts to do so, and I find it hard to control my own body’s virgin defense shield that’s not completely destroyed yet. Years and years of good girlism doesn’t go away overnight.
This love is pure addiction. It’s my passion cocaine, my attachment heroin.